"Walk like an Egyptian", (or else!)

Apparently the citizens of many of the countries in this world are beginning to tire of the oppression forced upon them by their own governments, or at least one might get the impression of such by watching the news. Take Egypt for example, where the citizens have recently taken to thanking their personal government for the impoverished state that they are collectively forced to live in by holding a huge "pep-rally", complete with "bonfires" and small arms celebrations. Evidently the Egyptian government, led by Hosni Mubarak, somehow failed to get the message that his citizens were becoming "slightly agitated" with his socialist methods of governing them, and possibly even misunderstood the subtle hints from protesters as they threw "molotov cocktails" (a spicy hot drink), at his home. Mubarak, who is no doubt highly trained in sensing when something is very wrong long after everyone else does, attempted to appease the people by basically firing his entire staff, offering a state of "hope and change" to the multitudes of protesters who had been reduced from the "middle-class" into poverty by his own hand, but sadly, this wasn't enough for the hoards, and to Mubarak's surprise, they were calling for HIS resignation as well! I have to admit that this surprised me also, because seriously, whatever did he do wrong? He made all the citizens of Egypt equal! He gave them government run health care and re-distributed their wealth to the point that there is no longer a "middle-class" in Egypt. Thirty percent of Egyptians are described as wealthy, while seventy percent are impoverished. There is NO "in-between" in Egypt. He taxed them into oblivion and eventual bankruptcy! I'm guessing that in no more than a couple of weeks, Mubarak will come to the startling realization that he may have been part of the problem too, but will still be unable to put his finger on what went wrong. Fortunately for us, a group called the "muslim brotherhood" is lying in wait to scoop up what is left of Egypt and of course make friends with the United States of America, as pert-near all muslims do. I'm extremely happy about this prospect, and I obviously haven't spoken enough about all the good things that muslims have done for us, such as giving our government workers holidays to take off with full pay! Seriously, muslims have helped us in ways that I truly can't count! (Can't even come up with a number 1)! O'Bama, with the un-daunting help of "Secretariat"Clinton (whoops! Sorry! I do think that a great race horse would have been much more help though), Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, are now in the process of defending the rights of all Egyptians simply by pointing out the "basic" human rights that we American citizens have, which were fought and died for by our Veterans of wars past and present. I think that this particular approach to a potentially world damaging crisis is cute, much like I thought Saddam Hussein exhibited the same class and character as an early Saturday morning cartoon featuring Wile E. Coyote, or Yosemite Sam. Isn't it hilarious that our president and his staff are even talking about Egypt, much less about freedom, and giving advice on how to correct the problem? If that isn't funny enough to all my Conservative Republican Friends I would like for all of you to know that We, ( The United States), lend billions of dollars each year to help fund the government in Egypt, and no, we don't have it to lend, we just borrow it from China. I'm sure that the "muslim brotherhood" appreciates our efforts and will thank us soon by giving our government employees yet another Holiday. I hope you all have a great week! I also hope you remember that it's not considered good etiquette to shoot the messenger! (At least in some free countries).

"Ensuring your future coziness" (You're Welcome)!

On Friday night Kristy and I were elected to watch over Diana and Tony's two boys, Trenton and Caleb, while they (Tony and Diana), attempted to flee to a foreign country in hopes of living a peaceful, quiet life in an "incognito" sort of way, or at least that's what I was guessing. Their "cover-story" was much simpler than that, as they told us that they were only going "bowling", but I'm guessing that they couldn't clear customs, or possibly had some kind of passport problems, forcing them to return home again. In any case, "grandma and grandpa" found themselves faced with the task of trying to entertain our two young grand-boys for a couple of hours, but only after an unsuccessful plot to fake our deaths in a horrible freeway accident had been uncovered by close family members. Of course I'm just joking, which I will illustrate here by inserting this "Ha-Ha"! We had a great time with the boys! Trenton, who will be four years old in March, ( and is apparently powered by some type of "rocket-fuel" that even NASA has trouble obtaining), is extremely intelligent and has the bright, "knowing" type of eyes that constantly emit feelings of "trust" in whoever looks at him, much in the same way as you trusted your best friend in high school not to throw that egg at you, despite the fact that he or she was sneaking up on you at the time. Trenton is destined to be the "life" of the party just about anywhere he goes, and is already somewhat of a "ladies man", or at least that's what I heard from his uncle Cuyler, who apparently caught Trenton taking a pee recently while using Kailey's hand to aim. Caleb, on the other hand, at 16 months, is still gravely serious about most matters, and generally displays no more signs of a "party- animal" gene in him than what you would find in an average desk-top stapler. Caleb HAS finally warmed up to grandpa though, and it's comforting to know that when he comes up to me with his little arms stretched toward the ceiling he only wants me to pick him up and hold him, rather than the whole "strangle grandpa" theory I had a few scant months ago. It still amazes me how two young brothers can be so different from each other, yet so close to each other. Diana and Tony are extremely good parents and are raising a good set of boys, with their only bad decision so far being to let grandpa have access to the kids. In the boys bedroom is a "Rules" board, with the rules being written in "hopefully" washable magic marker. Rule #1: No fits! #2: Listen to mommy and daddy! #3: No hitting, kicking, or biting! #4: No bad words! I thought this was a grand idea, but after a lengthy discussion with both boys, (mostly about the effects of "cap and trade", "national health care", and our nations security), we unanimously decide to add rule number five, which simply states that "Democrats are Jackasses". Fortunately, Tony and Diana are still speaking to me, even though they probably wish I would have stayed in Nebraska, which is also the "gist" I get from the rest of the family. Looking back though, I think I got here just in time! After all, seriously "good" parenting is something that shouldn't be taken lightly, and usually takes a "professional" like me to correct! And once again (just in case), this is only intended to get a smile or laugh, and should never be taken seriously! I assure you that grandpa would never do anything to hurt the ones he loves, and also remind you ladies that I "loved" quite a few of you in the middle seventies! Ha Ha! Just a Joke! Let's NOT "Report as abuse" to facebook! Have a Great week Friends!

Off to a Great start in 2011! (sort of)

(Well, the first week of 2011 is "in the books", and according to the media, the economy is on the upswing!) (People are buying things again, unemployment is starting to go down, and the overall mood of the people is one of great confidence in all aspects of life including their government!) But here in the United States of America, not much has changed, and to make matters even worse, some idiot opened fire on a peaceful political gathering in Tucson Arizona killing six people and injuring thirteen others which, besides the senseless loss of life, will surely bring even more restrictions to our second amendment rights, and probably even the first. Aside from this, I'm not sure that unemployment is going down so much as it is that a large number of people were caught about a week too late to get O'Bama's extension and just can't draw it anymore. Fortunately, our company is doing good, but still not hiring any additional workers. Our boss took us to the "Horseshoe" bar and grill for lunch the other day, when two guys "Bob" and "Rick" came up to him and actually asked him for a job! "Bob" was clean-shaven and dressed appropriately and even looked somewhat intelligent, while "Rick" looked as though he hadn't been directly subjected to any form of personal hygiene since the Clinton administration, at least outside of combing his beard with a salad fork. It turns out that Darrel didn't hire either of them but I'm not sure of the reason. Perhaps my company has a strict policy against hiring people who have quotation marks around their names. Besides unemployment, there have been numerous reports of entire flocks of birds falling from the sky already dead in at least three states and four other countries, plus large amounts of fish and other marine life. What gives? Fish are one thing, but we live right beside the towns little lake and have an over abundance of ducks and geese, and while it would certainly be an inconvenience to be rained down upon by a flock of dead sparrows I damn sure don't want to be the first guy in town to take a direct hit from a dead gander! Hopefully nobody would shout "heads-up" at the last second, cause that's just cruel. Aside from even this, drug cartels in Mexico are ringing in the new year by cutting each others heads off! Apparently this is just "loads" of fun, and is recently gaining enough popularity that I would be surprised if it's not included in a future Olympics someday, probably as part of the "luge" event, just to add excitement. (So you see friends, there is much to celebrate with the dawning of each new year, and we should all be excited for the "new" direction our country is heading in!) By the way, everything you see in parenthesis in this story is for the sake of the left-wing media such as CBS, NBC, and ABC. The rest of the story is true. Have a great week friends!