"Thank God for the O'Bamas"! No! Wait!

I can't seem to be able to come up with anything much to write about this morning, outside of the obvious fact that this is Easter, and good Christians throughout the world are celebrating Jesus today! I try never to write much about "religion", on account of I may get something wrong and end up with a rattlesnake in my mailbox, so I've decided to just write about some of the 'highlights' of the last two years of the "O'Bama" administrations accomplishments, and even though I refuse to look up any actual "dates" on this Easter Sunday's blog, the "accomplishments" will be real, and if you're one of those "liberal democrats" out there who believe that O'Bama is here to "resurrect" the United States, you should probably stop reading this blog right now and find something more "constructive" to do, such as cleaning up after your pet poodle "Fifi", (who probably even wears one of those little "doggie sweaters"), or joining a "picket line" some place wherein the evil Republicans are attempting to get people like you to actually go to work for a living. In any case, I'll start with: (November, 2008) ; After showing disgust towards President Bush's policies as well as a serious lack of Republican presidential nominees, An evident 'majority' of homeless and jobless illegal immigrants cast their votes for "Barrack Hussein O'Bama", who at the time was running on a platform of government sponsored health care, which would give a huge amount of prestige to the many voters who felt as if they had paid their debt to society already, and now, at the age of twenty, would just like to retire from the stringent hassles of the working world, and live off of half-eaten "Big Macs" retrieved out of the dumpster behind McDonalds.
(January, 2009) ; The world waited with high levels of anticipation to hear the Presidents inauguration speech, but to the great surprise of almost everyone whose main mode of transportation wasn't a tricycle, it turned out that our President, if you squinted your eyes just right, was "Black". At least in color.
(May, 2009) ; The President, displaying the same type of confidence and intelligence as "Scooby Doo " and his friend "Shaggy" often do when the "Mystery Machine" would break down on the front lawn of a haunted castle, introduces his "O'Bama-care" plan, which was intended to be managed by Doctor Jack Kevorkian. This plan was not acceptable to practically any of the 'Republicans', who, as it turns out, were all "racist, money-grabbers" anyway!
(November, 2009) ; Then- Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, in a showing of her deep concern for the American " down-trodden" citizen, stated that the only way we the people would find out what exactly was in the "O'Bama care" health bill was to "Pass it first"! This brought echoes of huge applause from an audience mainly consisting of Democrats who were wise enough to 'shoot-up' with large doses of 'heroin' before attending the summit.
(March, 2010) ; In a National debate over silly 'Republicans and tax-payers' who began attending "TEA" parties across the Nation, Democrats everywhere decried that citizens who did NOT agree with the Presidents policies were definitely "racists" and had no earthly clue what was good for them! Many of us were considered to be far too stupid to do anything other than "slopping the hogs".
(July, 2010) ; To the absolute surprise of many of us, it turns out that the First Lady, Michelle, even though she looks a tad overweight, is actually a 'health food guru', and knows far more about what you should feed your children than you do! Luckily, she shared many of her "parenting" tips and child feeding rules via her consultants, "Bert", "Ernie", and "Big Bird". Also, she planted an actual garden at the White House, where the actual Mexican gardeners grow herbs and vegetables, which go great with her personal plate full of barbecue ribs. I think it's great that we finally have a 'First Lady' who actually cares enough to set a 'double-standard'!

Okay, this is getting too long and nobody will read it anyway, but the point is that I could write about the O'Bama administration forever! It's easy, just like the Clintons! The "Civility" movement, wherein the Democrats say that we should all be more 'civil' to each other only means that they're losing, and that YOU, as a Republican, should just shut-up and let them have their way! I might add that it's still okay if you're a Democrat to poke all the fun you want to at us Republicans. Part of me really wants to get started on the BP oil rig explosion, but I won't. Not today. It's Easter. The Good Lord above has given each of us the opportunity to live TWICE, provided we do things right the first time! Let's not let the "socialists" govern the first one! Also, if my blog offends you, you should probably quit reading it, and chances are that if it does, I don't want you reading it anyway. Have a Happy Easter Friends, and know that God and me both love you, even though God has a better retirement plan in store for you if you live according to His will! May The Good Lord Bless and Keep YOU!

"Taxes"!............."And the Woolly Mammoth"

Well, tomorrow is the deadline for filing your income taxes and giving the government yet even more of your hard earned money with which to do useful things that will benefit our society, such as building a "life-size" replica of a giant "woolly mammoth" and placing it in an area with a large amount of tourism, (like Fargo, North Dakota), where it will no doubt be a major boost to the local economy from the huge amount of unwary travelers who had previously only stopped there to ask directions back to the "Inter-state". Or maybe you'll get "lucky", and they'll use YOUR particular tax dollars for something a little more "useful", such as conducting a serious study on the effects of hooking a pair of "jumper cables" onto your girlfriends "nipple rings"! I'm not at all "biased" toward either woolly mammoths OR North Dakota, but if either of these scenarios were indeed real life tourist attractions, I know what the "smart" money would be on, at least "profit-wise". I think that we should all be happy that our tax dollars are not being spent on something extremely foolish, such as paying down the National debt! I also think that maybe the Internal Revenue Service should at least make some sort of "attempt" at making the U.S. tax code a tad more understandable, as I've done my taxes myself on my computer for the last three years, and apparently I owe a much larger amount of money than I even made, plus, for some stupid reason, the IRS apparently will no longer give me a tax break for my "free range" fishing worm farm due to technicalities involving the exact numbers of my "herd". God only knows what kind of ludicrous idea they'll come up with next, which is why I'm happy that I got an e-mail the other day informing me that my name had been chosen as the winner in a special lottery in Nigeria, and the really nice people of Nigeria are in the process of sending me three million dollars! Personally, I have to admit that I don't really remember even GOING to Nigeria, much less playing the lottery there, but I DO have some pretty rough weekends on occasion, so I will have to take their word for it, and after all, I'll soon be a millionaire! About the only down side I've seen from this is that due to huge amounts of Nigerian "red-tape", I've had to send them $5,000.00 on three different occasions in order to "free up" my winnings and to help with expensive processing fees, which apparently they don't have the money to cover, even though they have three million dollars to give to me. I'm sure you're thinking "Rany, this is an obvious scam that only people who use plastic slip-covers under their bed sheets would fall for", but that's okay, because once I'm a millionaire I'll be able to afford brand NEW friends that don't have such "negative" attitudes. Besides, I've got more important things to worry about right now, like wondering if the money will come via a large UPS truck. I wonder what denomination the bills will be? Ones? Fives? Tens? Twenties? Damn! It would probably take a lot of fairly sturdy boxes if it's all in "ones"! I wonder if I should relocate into a mansion in a "gated" community somewhere? Maybe THAT'S what the auditor meant when he said that I should get used to looking at the rest of the world through steel bars! Have a Great week Friends, and if you still haven't learned any better, I'll see you back here next Sunday! Until then, May The Good Lord Bless and Keep YOU!

"Classical" Music!

So the other day my favorite radio news program, "Rush Limbaugh", had some other guy doing the show rather than Rush himself, which to me is unacceptable, and forced me to scan the radio stations for alternative entertainment, which I found in the form of "music" on a station that only played hits from the 60's, 70's, and 80's, (you know, the really OLD stuff) ! As a rule, I listen to either "country" music or "talk" radio, but this station happened to be playing Elton Johns hit song "Bennie and the Jets", so I decided to listen for awhile, and they played song after song from the days of my youth, forcing me to relive many parts of my junior high years, some of which was good, and some not so good, even embarrassing, like the time when I was in sixth grade and the whole school was in the gymnasium to watch a program being put on by a magician, and I decided to suddenly come down with a case of the flu and ran downstairs into the locker room and puked my guts out! The acoustics in that gym, especially from the locker rooms, has to be the envy of many of the top tier of institutions which teach students in matters such as "sound engineering", because the whole upstairs erupted into uncontrollable laughter. Knowing that they were laughing at ME, I was left with basically only two reasonable options: "Evaporation", which is where I would just disappear into a sort of thin, vapory mist, or my personal favorite, which was to suddenly burst into flames by way of "spontaneous combustion", and burn down to a pile of ashes so small that our school custodian, (Jakie Amen), could easily sweep me into a small baggie and send me home to my parents. With a note of course. I've actually revisited this memory time after time during the course of my adult life, and have found that I can control it pretty good with medication. Then the radio station played "The night Chicago Died", which was a huge hit song during about the time when I was in the eighth grade, and was taking seventh grader Cathy Anderson to our junior high dance as my date. I especially remember driving my Plymouth Fury out to Cathy's farm house to pick her up that evening, thinking that I had to be the actual epitome of "cool", right up until the time I got out of my car and started walking up to her house, and her dad "Bob" suddenly jumped out from behind a tree and fired his shotgun into the air, yelling "stay away from my daughter"! As it turned out, Bob was just joking around, trying to get a few laughs in! I thought Bob was a real riot, and in my appreciation for good humor I made damn sure that I had Cathy back home a full half hour before her curfew time. The dance itself was actually pretty good, and even though our music was great, many of the songs were nearly impossible to dance to with any kind of grace or dignity, as if we really cared about such things. When they'd play "Bennie and the Jets", the actual rythum of the song seemed to change so often that nobody really knew what to do! One minute, you'd be slow dancing, holding each other, and then Elton would go off on a spiel of yelling out "Bennie" several times in a row, and we would all just back away and stare at each other, as if we'd just discovered that our dancing partner had committed a horrible crime or something, and we were struggling emotionally on whether or not to turn them over to the authorities. "The Night Chicago Died" was even worse, as it left the dancers with no option other than to shake abnormally while flailing their arms around wildly and saying "na na na na na na na na na na NA na na, in the same way as Liberal Democrats do today, when the Republicans try to convince them to get jobs and work like the rest of us. The Rolling Stones and BTO finally came along and put an end to most of this dance foolishness, offering a radical new kind of music wherein you could just stand in a darkened corner of the gym with your buddies and just look "cool", or if the "cool" look wasn't right for you, you could use the same music from either of these two bands to look either "tough" or "bored". It was pretty universal music in that particular way, plus it was seriously adaptable to playing "air guitar" to. I suppose what really matters is that we had fun together and learned about life together, even if our "moves" out on the floor tended to make us look like a large group of adolescents whom had suddenly gone into a series of harsh seizures due to a severe stroke which we had suffered only moments earlier, and we were only passing the time it would take for the ambulance to get there by mingling together out on the floor. I hope the kids today have as much fun as we had, cause once you're all grown up it tends to turn into all work and no play. At least I know it did for me, as I rarely have time to play "air guitar" anymore. I'm not even sure where I put it since this last move. My guess is the basement. Have a great week Friends, and until next Sunday, May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You!

Cars and the good old days, I think!

A couple weeks ago Kristy and I decided to trade our old Cadillac off in our ongoing quest to keep at least one of the family vehicles around the same year as the mean average age of our combined grand-children, that way, if there turns out to be a 'digital' feature on the vehicle that we may not fully understand how to operate, such as the radio, we have a pretty fair supply of 'toddlers' around who can give us assistance. I'm not sure at what point in my life I apparently lost all of my 'mechanical' abilities, but I DO know that, by looking under the hood of the Mercury, they are definitely gone. Growing up in a gas station and having a mechanic for a dad, I knew a fair amount about cars and engines when I was a kid, and even to this day I can be reasonably certain that I cost dad a lot of money on some of my 'botched' tune-ups and engine overhauls that I was regularly engaged in during my early years, which started just before 'kindergarten'. I'm not sure I'm even qualified to change the oil in today's newer vehicles, much less replace a new 'serpentine' belt. There's been bales of technological advances in cars since I got my first one, which was a 1952 Chevrolet that my grandpa Guy gave to my dad when he retired, and if you carried a screwdriver, 1/2" wrench, spare fan belt, and an extra set of points in the glove box, you were well prepared to venture just about anywhere within the Lebanon city limits, even though grandpa was able to drive it a minimum of 40 miles per day with never any trouble. My second "car" which was a 65 International pickup truck, complete with a 30 gallon 'oil drum' gas tank standing up in the front of the box for the sake of "class", was every bit as dependable as the Chevy, but dad took it away from me because of "safety" issues. Also maybe because me and Jeff Dinkel was 'hot-rodding' around in it after football practice and a ditch suddenly jumped out in front of us with no prior warning whatsoever, causing Jeff to put his nose through the windshield, and then consequentially become mad at ME, as if it were MY fault! Jeff Dinkel was sort of 'funny' in that way. But anyway, after my friend Jeff decided to "total" my truck by putting his face through the most valuable part of it, I was forced to find 'new' wheels, which came in the form of a 1970 Plymouth "Fury", which had been owned by Phil Rorabaugh, who had picked it up at a police auction in Denver Colorado. Looking back, the very fact that my dad and many of the elders of the Lebanon community would let me even HAVE a car like this should be proof enough of an 'adult-sponsored' attempt to "take me out of the picture"! The Plymouth was armed with a 383 cubic inch "Police Interceptor" engine, and a speedometer that went clear up to 140 mph, as well as the ability to go clear on around to 'zero' again from the 'bottom' side', if you get my drift. What it turns out that the Plymouth didn't have though, was the ability to actually STOP from going that fast in a distance of say, whatever it is from Bernard Kuhlman's driveway to the quaint little park that is the Geographical center of the 48 continental states, at least not without the help of several "randomly" picked guard-rail posts, some trees, trash cans, and a concrete picnic table. Once again, I had friends with me, Bob Dietz, Mark Younger, and Barton Pilcher, all of whom were unhurt, but did appear to be 'visibly shaken', especially Bob, who was sitting in the front seat, and apparently had some sort of 'nervous disorder' concerning Chrysler engines coming back uninvited into the passenger compartment, but who knows? As I recall, Bob was sort of 'funny' in that way. As time went on, I got to the point where I could wreck cars all by myself, showing complete defiance toward the friends who would no longer ride with me, which I think was a HUGE step for me, as most of my friends were considered 'rank amateurs', many of whom had never even been in a wreck. It seems that all the 'newer' models of cars have taken the necessary precautions with which to stifle the fears of people who ride with guys like me by including "sissy" things such as seat belts and air bags for safety features, even though they have replaced many of the formerly 'steel' parts with plastic. I can only assume that in the not too distant future there will be airbags on the little "make-up" mirrors behind the sun visors on the passenger side of the car, in order to protect against such a tragedy as breaking an eyelash during a fender-bender, but who knows? I DO know that this mirror exists though, because my wife won't let me drive the car, and I spend a fair amount of time in the 'passenger' seat. Kristy's sort of 'funny' in that way! Have a great week Friends!