Just staring at the "debt ceiling"! (and thinking).

I've been watching (and listening) to the news a lot lately, what with all the talk about the "national debt", and raising the nation's "debt ceiling", and I think it has probably helped me quite a bit, at least in my personal "accounting" methods. The main reason I say this is because my good wife and I have made an unusually large amount of purchases so far in this particular calendar year, such as a different car, truck, and a couple of "scooters" (for those special occasions), and I'm afraid I'm going to run out of money before I get a fishing boat. Well, I WAS afraid, but that was before I started paying close attention to how our government does business, and decided to just simply "raise" my own debt ceiling! Heck! It's fool-proof! Now I'll have the freedom to buy whatever I want and no matter the cost, right? The way I figure, if for some reason I'm not able to actually "pay" for any these things, my children and grandchildren can work off my debts later by working in a Chinese "sweat shop", or picking up roadside garbage for the government. In any case, I'm sure they wouldn't mind helping the "old man" out. Unfortunately, every time I come up with a plan like this one, (which is no doubt "borderline" genius), my good wife will inevitably find some sort of fault or flaw in it, no matter how ridiculously small it is. She's always been sort of "funny" that way. She apparently thinks that are ceilings are already too high, and should be maybe "lowered" down to the "seventies" level, (which I believe was eight feet, on account of everybody was trying to conserve energy because Jimmy Carter told us to) . Personally, just between you and me, I think she just likes being "mean" to me. You should hear the way she rambles on and on while spouting off totally irrational commands to me, and most of the time they don't make an ounce of sense! "You've had enough", she'll say, or "put your pants on, we have company coming over"! One time my grandson Caden and I caught a smallish catfish and put it in her aquarium to keep her tropical fish company and she wasn't appreciative at ALL. Now that you know just what I'm having to deal with, I'm open for any suggestions that would help me convince her to raise our debt ceiling. Sure, I've tried the same "scare-tactic" that Obama and the liberal democrats are trying to use on the American citizens, only I reworded it to fit my particular situation. The result was that it sounded as if I had just spent an entire year on an island where the only recreational activity was taking large quantities of illegal drugs, like this: "Honey, if I don't buy a new bass boat before the second day of August, old people won't get their social security checks, soldiers won't get paid, global warming will melt the ice caps, and we'll all be ruled by people who keep moving their mouths after their done talking, like in "King Kong"! "Also, we stand a fair chance of getting stung to death by electric eels, what without a new boat"! I really don't know why these things don't work for me, but they never do. I still don't have a boat. Maybe if I wear a suit, stand behind a podium, and read from a teleprompter I would have more success, but I don't know. I just know that my wife isn't easily fooled, and she pays little attention to politics in the first place. I wonder how it is that President Obama manages to "scare" such a large percentage of our population into believing him? Maybe I should try to look more "Presidential" when pleading with my wife for more money, and maybe even try to scare some of my elderly neighbors, like Ralph, or Leonard. They shouldn't be too difficult to scare. They've always seemed to be a little "jittery" anyway. At least whenever I've been around. Come to think of it, maybe I'll just keep on working and saving until I can buy my boat "outright", on account of "begging" for more money and "scaring" senior citizens in order to get my way doesn't sound very "Presidential" at all! At least not to me.

Have a great week, Friends, and I'll see you here next Sunday. God willing, of course.

"Yippie" "Skippee" "Hippie"! Now let's go vote!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about our great country lately, as well as the many generations of people who have helped to make it what it is today, which is broke. In short, I'm trying to decide, (via a "scientific" experiment involving large quantities of "red" beer), just whose generation to blame this on, and so far I don't like the conclusion. So far, I've pretty much ruled out the folks living in the "roaring" 20's, because they basically "stuck to their own business" and created such a huge mass of wealth for themselves that when they tried to put it all into the stock markets on "Wall street" in the late 20's, all the buildings collapsed, creating a huge dust cloud that covered much of the country for the better part of the next decade. That alone means that we can't blame our current situation on the "thirties" folks either, on account of they worked very hard just to survive the "everyday" conditions. Plus, they had to wear clothing made from "flour" sacks, and seldom had time to "surf" the web. In at least the first part of the 40's, folks were busy saving the world from the evil tyrant Adolf Hitler, so they too had little time to damage America's economy. And I know for a fact that the "50's" were basically a "carefree" period, in which everybody named "Howard" worked in a hardware store, and every woman stayed home to clean house, cook, and try to keep "Ritchie" from having anything to do with the kid's who may turn out to be a bad influence in their lives later on, such as "Pottsie", or "Fonzie". Let's see now, where are we? Oh yeah! The "sixties"! In my mind, this could be the period in which our great country first started giving birth to "Liberals". America was involved in a "police-action" war in Vietnam at the time, and Lyndon B. Johnson was the President. Of course he was a "Democrat", and under his "leadership", a whole new "breed" of Americans were born, known as the "hippie" generation, or you could just call them "liberal democrats" for short. The "hippie" generation, (which lasted well into the 70's), was where many Americans learned that all of them silly "morals" and "ethics" of the generations who came before them should just be ignored, because after all, the world did exist ONLY to serve them. Hippies taught us a lot about such matters as "war", (wherein you only had to go to it if you really WANTED to!), "work", (where their official motto was "Why should I have to"?), and of course, "music", wherein if you found a hippie commune with a really good supply of "drugs" and "alcohol", you'd also find a commune full of our future leaders burning our nations flag and attempting to sing "Yellow Submarine" by the Beatles. I've actually seen footage of this that involved former President Bill Clinton, but he was elected anyway. Speaking of Bill, "Sex" was another area in which the "hippies" taught us bales of information, such as how it's much more sanitary to just go ahead and have it with a perfect stranger upon a chance encounter, cause Lord only knows where their HANDS have been! Hippies also made it extremely popular to "smoke" after having sex, though I don't do it myself. At least I've never actually SEEN any. I realize that, as voters, we're running out of choices of people to vote for that don't actually come from the 60's and 70's era, but I think we should just overlook these candidates, and maybe skip right up to the "Yuppie" generation of the 80's! They're probably not much better, but at least they don't go around painting "smiley faces" and "butterflies" on all of their "out-buildings"! I'm sure they probably "cry" a lot though, but mostly because the "hippies" said that it was okay for men to be "in touch" with their emotions. I think my "scientific" study is over now. You can think what you want, but I know which "generation" I'M going to blame for America's problems! MINE! But it's NOT MY FAULT! Remember? The WHOLE WORLD OWES me! Think about it Friends! We own it, and don't give me none of that "inherited" crap that Obama keeps pushing around! We all need to do our part lest the whole thing be gone! Have a great week Friends, and like I've said before : "If God loves you, there's no reason why I shouldn't"! See you all next Sunday, and May God Bless!

"Looking back" The High School Years, Crap!

I miss school. I'm not sure why, as I rarely even attended it when I was an actual student. Maybe there really was something to it when all the "older" folks used to tell me that I'd better enjoy going to school, because "someday I'll look back and see just how easy I had it"! Maybe the older folks secretly put some sort of "hex" on my life for all the days I "skipped" school to do more important things, like hunting and fishing with my "buddies", whose lives also appear to be "hexed". I really don't know how the older people would go about putting an actual hex on somebody, but I'm pretty sure they did it to me. I just hope they didn't have to sacrifice any live "goats" or "virgins" in the process. Well, goats anyway. "Virgins" were pretty scarce in the seventies. At least in the places where I hung out. Whatever the case, it turns out that the older people were right, and I really DO look back on my High school days fondly, at least MOST of them. We really did "have it made"! They fed us well, treated us fairly, taught us "sportsmanship", and basically kept us occupied in a manner in which there was no feasible way to get into trouble, at least if you "attended" on a somewhat regular basis. Sure, there were some teachers who it seemed would go out of their way to make your life more miserable, such as our algebra teacher, "John Neyer", who obviously wasn't even a native of this particular planet! "John", aka "Mr. Neyer", was constantly trying to confuse us by mixing up letters of the alphabet into mathematical equations by giving us problems to solve, like: 5x+2=27. Seriously! What the hell does that mean? Just for his own amusement, John would change the "value" of the "x" frequently, in a way that would attract very little attention from the other students, but I was "smart" enough to sort of "call him out" on occasion, and make him explain his way of thinking to me. You really shouldn't trust guys who keep changing the value of "x". At least that's my way of thinking. I remember the annual "S.A.T." tests, which I think stood for "Schoolastic Apptitude Tests, but I'm not sure. I don't remember things very well anymore because of the "hex". But anyway, the S.A.T. tests were given to us in our schools lunchroom once a year, wherein you'd be given, (as a student), a total of two "number two" pencils, a piece of "scratch" paper, and an eraser. The general idea was that some government agency could determine how intelligent you were by asking you a question, and then giving you the answer via "multiple choice", and like a chimpanzee, you were expected to fill in the correct "oval" in order to get a "passing" grade and obtain more government money for your particular school. I kind of liked the S.A.T.'s, but mostly because of the fact that almost ALL of the "problems" were written in simple, easy to understand, formats, such as this:

(Bob wants to remodel his kitchen with pink wallpaper and a series of cute little ducks embedded within. Bob can't do this himself, so he asks his best friend "Ted" for help. Bob's kitchen is 12 feet by 14 feet with an 8 foot ceiling. Knowing that wallpaper comes in eight foot by 32 inch rolls, how long will it take Ted to figure out that Bob's a little bit "strange", and that he should flee immediately?"

If you're like me, you would have left immediately, and even tightened your belt by at least one notch and been damned sure not to bend over. But that's not my point! My point is that no matter what crazy schemes the older folks would come up with to keep us on the "straight and narrow", it actually worked. Sure, our parents and mentors were basically "idiots" back when we were younger, but now that we've grown older, it's somewhat surprising to see the progress they've made in the "intelligence" department! I would have to say that them stupid "older" people were doing their damndest best to help us kids. I wonder if we're doing the same for our own children and grandchildren? I wonder if all algebra teachers come from another planet? Sure, I realize that I just use the "humor" to sort of "suck" you into reading my blogs, but you'd do the same thing if you're Country was possibly on the "decline" due to lack of "leadership", wouldn't you? Guess what?It really is in OUR hands now! Think about it! Please! America is the greatest Nation in the whole world. Let's keep it that way! Have a great week Friends, and may the Good Lord Bless! Also, you should probably listen to the "older" folks, on account of they "built" this Country. See you next Sunday, my TRUE Friends!

"Independence Day" ramblings from an "old" guy!

I hope that everybody's having a great Independence Day! We had our little "get-together" last night, on account of tomorrow is a "work" day, and history has proven to me that if I get too "sociable" on the day just before a work day I have a hard time making it to the actual "work" part, so our celebration and barbeque is already "said and done"! My good wife had to work today, so basically I'm just left here with my own thoughts and a computer, which is probably not such a good thing. I wonder if I'm the only "blogger" who can only type with his two "index" fingers? See? Right there was a perfect example of the stupid things my brain comes up with at times like these! I also wonder which one of my grandchildren ate all of my hot and spicy pork rinds that are supposed to be here on the computer desk, AND left the lid off of my jar of peanuts, but I'm sure that information is "classified", and the best I can do is make highly uneducated guesses, right Paige? I like the fourth of July, mostly because it's all about the "history" of how our Great Nation came to be. Occasionally, I may get some of the "details" a little mixed up, but overall I think I could be a pretty good teacher at some elementary school somewhere, provided that it was a "union" type of job and I had "tenure", and couldn't be fired even if I taught the kid's to urinate on the gymnasium floor. I'm not sure that schools really want their teachers to inform our children anymore, at least not in the way we "older" people were informed. I wonder if young school-agers today even know who "Paul Revere" was? Sure. OUR generation knows all about "Paul", and how he sent General George Washington a "text" message informing him that the "British were coming", forcing General Washington into an uncontrollable "rage", in which he chopped down a cherry tree and threw it across the Delaware river for a dollar? I think it's even possible that today's children don't even realize that Abraham Lincoln had to do his homework by writing on the back of a shovel with a "Kingsford Edge" charcoal briquette every time the electricity went out, or even how many failed attempts it took before Thomas Edison was successfully able to connect the famed "black light" to his stereo system in a way that made the beautiful "Farrah Fawcett's" teeth bask in the glow on her posters in virtually everybody's bedrooms back in the seventies? What about Alexander Graham Bell, who invented the "party-line", which is still used today in parts of the "deep" south, where everybody's related anyway? There's way too many great people who have done a number of great things to mention in this particular "blog", and possibly, like I stated before, I may have some of the actual "facts" screwed up, but don't let THAT bother you! Know that I love this great Country, and that I believe NO sacrifice is "too much" to keep it! Have a "Blessed" day today my Friends, and know that the United States of America has always been kind of a "one-shot" chance to avoid the tyranny of rule by people who know little more about life than you do. This is what GOD intended for us! Let's keep it going! Also, I would like to say that: May the Good Lord Bless and keep You, whether near or far away! May the Good You shine on Others, shine on YOU today! May Your Hearts be filled with music, that would fill the hearts of men, and may the Good Lord Bless and Keep You, until we meet again! Finally signing off Friends!

June 2011. (A look back in disgust).

Once again, I've taken the time to compile most of the newsworthy (or not) happenings from the entire month before and present it to you via this handy "blog" form. The actual DATES of each story are fictitious, as is (in some cases), much of the content of the story itself, but remember, I am NOT a "real" news reporter, and don't have the time necessary to do all the proper research! I am a "beer swilling" construction worker who is trying to keep YOU informed in my "free time", and for "free"! You can thank me later.

June 1: Representative Anthony "The meat" Weiner, (D-New York), is pressured by fellow congressmen to resign his "post", after a series of lewd photos "popped up" on the internet, involving his private parts. Many Weiner supporters felt that Anthony had gotten the "shaft".

June 5: In a unanimous vote, the citizens of both Missouri and Colorado raised the speed limit in Kansas to 75 mph, stating that "There's nothing to do or see there anyway". The new law went into effect on July the first.

June7: In her ongoing quest to stop the "senseless" killing of animals, Lady "Gaga" auctions off a dress made entirely of the flesh of animals, and sends the proceeds to a chicken farmer in Kentucky.

June 9: Taxpayers across the Nation breathed a collective sigh of relief upon learning that Michelle Obama, her mother, and two daughters were going to South Africa. This turned out to be a short-lived sigh though, when citizens were informed that it was merely a "vacation", rather than a "migration".

June 10: Say whatever you want! I'm still "pissed-off" about the speed limit!

June15: "Just one more thing". Actor Peter Falk (Columbo), dies at the age of 83, and if you aren't old enough to remember "Columbo", you're probably not old enough to be reading my blog.

June17: Playboy magnate Hugh "Hugh" Hefner, gets "stood-up" at the altar by a voluptuous 25 yr. old Crystal Harris, who was a recent "centerfold" model in his own magazine. Obviously shaken, the 86 yr. old multi-millionaire still managed to show the "rebel" spirit that made him world-renowned in the first place by having his secretary "bring him another girl".

June 21: After hearing the testimony of family members in the Casey Anthony murder trial, Americans everywhere are drawn much closer together with their OWN families, and often perform "toasts" to each other stating that by God they are NOT the most disgusting, dysfunctional family in the world. Many, (including me), believe it would be a more effective measure to just have the whole family shot, before they can reproduce again.

June 26: Former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss Kahn (socialist-France), was allowed to go free and cleared of the "rape" charges placed against him by a maid in a New York hotel after hiring former President Bill "Slick-Willy" Clinton to defend him. According to an eyewitness report, the prosecution failed repeatedly to actually "define" rape. Also, almost no money whatsoever exchanged hands.

June 29: Maria Schriver announces that she is "terminating"her marriage to her husband, former actor and Governor Arnold "I'll be BACK" Schwarzenegger, forcing a rare and "impromptu" family meeting between Arnold and his 137 children in which it was decided that Arnold will take a job as a "Kindergarten Cop" in order to pay off much of his overdue child support.

June 30: An exasperated Barrack Obama, upon realizing that he has been in office for two and a half years now and can no longer feasibly blame the rotten economy on former President Bush, has decided to just go ahead and blame the T.E.A. party Republicans in congress for his failures. In a private interview with "Sixty Minutes" correspondent "Morley Schafer", Obama defends himself with the logic that outside of some "seriously damaging" policies that he's put into place, he's spent most of his time either on vacation, playing golf, vacationing to play golf, taking a vacation from golf, or just simply golfing to relieve the stress of vacationing.

Personally, I think he's right, but as I said at the beginning of this blog, I am NOT a professional reporter! I AM extremely good at drinking beer and forming my own opinions though. Heck! If YOU try hard enough, you can probably form your OWN opinion on such matters as "government", "laws", "taxes", "wars", and whether or not the "Hot@Spicy" brand of pork rinds puts a tad too much "spice" into their recipe. I think it's very important that we all think for ourselves, rather than just accept whatever crap the mainstream media wants us to believe. We'll not always agree on everything, but we're really not supposed to. That's what makes us "free"! If, for some reason, you've grown "tired" of being "free", and wish to have your government make all of your major decisions for you, then just keep doing what you're doing and you'll get that soon enough. In the meantime, have a happy "Independence Day"! It would be great if you just sat down and thought about the word "Independence" for awhile, but most likely you won't. In any case, have a great weekend friends! Happy July 4th! May God bless, and remember that if your fuse burns out to quickly and your firecracker goes off way too soon, it's possible that you may have previously exaggerated the actual length of your particular "fuse". It's also highly possible that you're about the same age as, heck, I don't know, Me! Have a Great week Friends, and if you happen to find any extra money lying around, it's probably mine, because I just lost some in whatever State, Province, or Country you happen to be in. And probably just yesterday.