Post season "blues"! Will we Recover?

Essentially, college football season ended last night, save for all of the "bowl" games that will be played throughout the course of the next thirty days or so, with game times starting during hours and on days that only an "occupy" protester would have a relaxed enough work schedule to watch them. What this means, (at least to me), is that now many of us "rabid" football fans will likely need to find some other way of occupying ourselves on Saturday afternoons and evenings, and it may not be easy! Luckily, I'm here to help you renegotiate contact with your spouse and close family members by using a studious plan that I'll be making up as I go, as long as the tomato juice holds out! The first thing you need to do, (as part of your recovery), is to shut the television off and put down the remote. This will likely take a few "practice" tries, and in some extreme cases, your wife may have to stage an "intervention", wherein she wears a sexy "teddy", or sexy undergarments purchased at a "Victoria's Secret", while attempting to get you to think about something besides "football", which I find ironic, on account of when they "get their way", they actually ENCOURAGE you to think about "football" during crucial moments of the session so it will last longer. In any case, interventions like these can be very dangerous, producing a "shock" effect that could possibly drive the SERIOUS football fan into the heavy use of illicit drugs, and in my always "self-sacrificing" practices, I would suggest that wives who are planning to use this method e-mail a picture of themselves in the outfit they plan to use to me first, along with a brief history of your "likes" and "dislikes", your phone number, and address. That way, I can get a better idea if YOUR intervention will work or not.
If having a sexy wife running around the house in flimsy undergarments isn't enough to help you get over your football addiction, you should try spending some "quality time" with your children or grandchildren. If you don't have any children or grandchildren, you should probably rent some, or at least get a good "household" pet, such as a dog or gerbil, either of which can provide literally hours of entertainment, while at the same time giving you a good excuse to spend most of your leftover money on cleaning supplies!
Another good way to get over your football "blues" is to go "hunting", which is a sport that's usually played outdoors, involving dressing up in bright orange clothing reminiscent of a radioactive traffic cone and tromping around through underbrush with a young child and a dog in temperatures well below freezing! I like hunting! It gives me the chance to forget about all of the hassles of daily life at work, and concentrate solely on the opportunities I have at the moment, which is to get shot in the face by a grandchild and then eaten by a dog. Still, hunting is a very "relaxing" sport. At least if you're "careful". A LOT of "hunters" are also heavy beer drinkers who show little concern for the regulations that our wildlife personnel lay in place for us! I always keep a sharp eye out for those types!
If by chance neither sex nor hunting can cure you of the loneliness of college football season being over, you STILL have "ice-fishing", which is a sport that has gained much popularity over the past few years here in Kansas! The best way I know to ice fish, is to go out onto a frozen pond in bitter cold conditions with a good friend such as Gene Jones, who not only owns an "ice auger", but also has caught nearly seventeen zillion tons of fish just yesterday, at the exact same spot where he told you to drill a hole in the ice today, even though they don't appear to be "biting" any more! Ice fishing is somewhat "therapeutic", relaxing you into a sort of "calm" state of mind, wherein all you're really thinking about is the potential "frostbite" in your toes, and how long it will take to get your beer can thawed off of your upper lip.
As I see it, I've done pretty much all I can to help you through the "post" season, and the rest is up to YOU! Sure, there are a scant few of you out there who may be thinking that my advice is pure buffalo dung, but trust me! I've put at least an hour of thought and nearly seven beers into this column, and with only YOUR best interests in mind! That's the kind of guy I am!
Have a great week Friends! May God Bless! And remember that there's a damn good reason that I work in "construction", rather than attempting to "write" for a living!

Seriously. Get your ass back to work.

In my way of thinking, a huge part of America's economic problems today stem from uneducated "jerks" like me, who not only have access to a computer, but have learned to express their views by "typing" with BOTH "index" fingers and pushing the "post" button. Clearly, if I have the time to publish a "blog" every Sunday morning, I could find a better use for my time, such as a "part-time" job, or raising National awareness on the dangers of soybean rust, or maybe even going to church with my good wife. The problem is that I don't WANT to do any of these things. I work six days a week as it is, and my traditional Sunday policy is to drink huge quantities of "red" beers and push the buttons on the television remote, which is what I believe takes sole responsibility for my "cheery" attitude every Monday morning at work. Plus I have no "real" financial woes that would be considered severe enough to force me to change my lifestyle, unlike country music singer Toby Kieth, who apparently is so desperate for money that he recently released an entire song about a plastic drinking cup, and people are actually BUYING it! Not that I'm being sarcastic, because clearly this is a GOOD thing! At least for Toby Kieth. I just can't understand how such a large number of people in the United States haven't found a way to make money enough to support themselves, and would rather live their lives through the constrictions of government programs than to try and earn their living through their OWN song about a Red Solo Cup, or even a Dixie cup for that matter. Personally, I don't buy into all this crap about there being no jobs available for the people who are drawing welfare or unemployment. I don't believe that if you are truly searching for gainful employment, it can't be found. I think that it's more a matter of we have a huge chunk of people who have been getting things provided to them for free for so long that they no longer have the desire to do anything different! Sort of like me, and my Sunday ritual involving red beers. I don't understand how people who have no jobs can still afford to spend countless hours each day punching computer keys with their index fingers, like I'm doing now. I've also noticed that these types of people are extremely quick to complain about their financial situations too, even though when offered an actual "job", they tend to look at you as though you'd just just handed them a warm cup of tobacco spit, or a urine sample. Many of these people are lucky enough to have the time to go to "occupy" protests around the Nation, wherein they can spend their time protesting against the corporations which are making money and providing jobs for Americans, rather than actually cleaning up a little and going inside to request a job application form. I have a hard time imagining why citizens of an Independent Nation such as ours would ever WANT to be dependent on anybody else, but there are those who feel comfortable that way. I guess I should say something really "witty" right now, maybe like "to each his own", but I'm not one to support something I don't believe in. My dad made me work for everything I had when I was a kid, and I pulled the same stunt on my own kid's. So far, it's worked out quite well. I'm kind of proud. Still, I have little intention of spending my Sunday mornings doing anything other than drinking red beer and poking at these computer keys. After all, it's not like I'm dependent on YOU!
Have a great week Friends! God Bless! And remember that only YOU can control the outcome of your life!

"Gravity and Balance"! (How they're out to get us)!

I don't want to scare anybody, but you need to be aware of the fact that large groups of space aliens from the planet Zork are slowly trying to kill us off by tampering with the Earth's "Gravitational Pull"! Don't laugh! This is TRUE! I started to notice this years ago, when I was just a kid, but didn't want to say anything! Now that I'm nearly 50, the change has become so radical that I feel SOMEBODY has to start some sort of "public-awareness" group, lest we all die horrible deaths because we're no longer able to defend ourselves! I'm guessing that the "Zorkians" must have somehow gained access to some type of "control room" somewhere, and probably started fooling around with a panel full of dials and toggle switches and what-not. All I know for sure, is that things which were fairly easy to lift when I was younger seem to be extremely "heavy" now, and this has to STOP!
If memory serves me right, in 1687, Sir Isaac Newton presented his theory of "Gravity, and how it affects Your Balance", to a "sold-out" crowd in the Roman Colosseum, but very few people were even paying attention by the time he got to the part about the evil Zorkians. In fact, most of the "younger" members of the audience were far too busy sending text messages to their friends to listen to ANY of it, and it's been "downhill" ever since then!
As for myself, I'm a "firm" believer in Mr. Newton's theory, but mostly because I'm very "alert", and am confronted occasionally by these problems firsthand. The most recent example would probably be just last night, when gravity and balance BOTH became a major issue to me after spending several hours watching college football and drinking beer. As the type of person that "notices" other people a lot, I've found that gravity can have seriously huge effects on our own personal "bodies" as well, making many of our stomachs appear to have some sort of "concern" as to what our feet are doing, judging by the way they hang around near that vicinity. Fortunately, after all these years, at least SOME of my own "body parts" have started to reject the whole "gravity" thing, and are actually rebelling against it by using the "shrinking" process, which I figure to be a GOOD thing, judging from my good wife's tears of joy when I get out of the shower.
I'm guessing that the best way to fight against gravity would be to inform the masses of the world that it's a "bad" thing, and maybe take some tax-payer money to write a book about it. After all, it works for the "kooks" on the left! It even worked for Albert Einstein, who came up with the whole "Theory of Relativity" thing, which stated, (if memory serves me right), that "Man Never Knows just how Many Relatives he has until He wins the Lottery, or Starts the Barbeque"!
Heck! Look at Al Gore! Al started a huge portion of the "free world" believing in such things as "green energy", and "global warming", leading to the end result of millions of Americans paying top dollar for such things as "windmills" that produce huge amounts of energy once you "plug them in" to an outlet found near a major coal-mining operation. "Al" also convinced millions of people that they should reduce their "carbon footprint" by driving "gas-guzzling" vehicles less, which I also believe is a "good" thing, ranking right up there with keeping the borders "open", so that foreigners driving gas guzzling cars can come to YOUR town and take YOUR job on account of YOUR inability to get to work on time because YOUR electric car can't be charged by the "windmills", which need the power of coal to keep them going in the first place.
In any case, I've decided to make millions of dollars from a book that I'll be releasing very soon, which is designed to not only SCARE you, but to give you a sort of "insider" look at just why I'm an idiot in the first place! Also, You should probably take a long look at Yourself, using some sort of "mirror" or other reflective device. YOU are the future of this great Country, and if you're buying books from the likes of Al Gore, you may as well be buying them from me.

"Marital advice"! (From a person YOU trust)!

I think that virtually ALL young couples who are planning on getting married and possibly spending the rest of their lives together should have to spend at least one year "living together" first! This should give both individuals ample time to really get to know each other, plus catch any "character" flaws in your partner that may well have gone unnoticed before. I figure it needs to be a full calendar year too, just in case your prospective spouse appears "normal" for most of the year, but then, say, during the "Christmas" season, smears his or her private parts with cranberry sauce and chases small woodland creatures around at the city park. You'd want to know something like that beforehand, wouldn't you? I know I would, and I think we need a "government program" to help us sort all of this out!

It's not that the younger generation isn't at least ATTEMPTING to get to know each other a little better! A couple of years back, I was watching a piece on "speed-dating", wherein there was a room full of little tables, and a fairly equal amount of young guys and gals who would, by use of a "timer", ask each other questions for a period of about three minutes or so, then go to the next table, etc... The jist of this was to enable the person to figure out which one of the potential "dates" you had the most things in common with before you went on an actual "date". I suppose, for THIS generation, it's probably okay, but it would never have worked back in the seventies. At least not for me, because due to the strict "moral and ethical" code that I had as a teenager, if I'd been with just about ANY young lady for more than three minutes and hadn't gained at least SOME type of "carnal" knowledge about her, that date was over. In fact, MOST of my dates were completely over in about an hour or so anyway! It's not that I'm ENDORSING that type of behavior, but I DO think it's extremely important that the younger generation do at least a minimal amount of "research" on their prospective spouse before the actual "wedding day", just to reduce the risk of any "unexpected" surprises, such as "multiple" or "missing" sexual organs! If you can't actually do the "research" on your own, I would suggest that you contact your congress-person immediately, and possibly set up a "government" program.


That being said, how many of YOU are in support of the worthless idiots who are protesting on Wall Street? Sure, the media and the White House democrat's are trying to convince YOU that these are just ordinary American workers who are "fed-up" with the unfairness of "Capitalism", and want their "fair" share, but what exactly IS "their fair share"? How much money do you think people like the recently deceased "Apple" CEO, Steve Jobs, owe YOU, for all of their hard work? How much of your money do the major corporations in the United States "steal" from you? I'm going to guess not much, especially in comparison to the taxes you pay to the government in order to maintain your "lavish" lifestyle, plus the money you give to social security so that it will BE there when you need it, in a few short years! Do you know that nearly ALL of the "protestors" on "Wall st." are being paid for protesting? It's true! They're stinking, rotten, welfare pukes who poison the whole American way of life because they believe they're "owed" something that they haven't "earned"! And YOU think I talk "dirty"! It's YOUR "democratic" controlled government that is achieving "carnal" knowledge of YOU, so it's up to YOU to fix it! If you have trouble figuring out just how to do this, you should probably go ahead and read the last paragraph of this particular story, which is NOT about sex!


My good wife Kristy and I lived together for several years (platonic, of course), before deciding to take that "extra step" and get married, and it's apparently working out okay. This is NOT the "government's fault", on account of I KNEW what I was doing, and sometimes, we ALL have to take responsibility for our own actions! So far, the only character flaw I've ever found with Kristy is that she, on occasion, wants to have "meaningful" conversations with me, even though it's clearly "football" season. It's NOT her fault though! I think that basically ALL women who are not interested in "sports" tend to have an abnormal surplus of the sensitive and "clingy" genes, but because I'm her husband and I love her, I'll try to talk her through her anxieties, and help her to become "normal", at least by MY definition. With any luck, I SHOULD be able to do this during "commercial" breaks, and maybe at "halftime". But not right now. I have a game to watch, and Kristy went to the store to purchase several notebooks and ink pens anyway, so she could write down MY "character" flaws! You can bet that I'll READ them too! At least during commercial breaks.

God Bless, and have a great week, Friends!

"It Ain't Fair"

I think that the biggest problem facing America today is our inability to "communicate" with each other. It's not that we don't have the "means" to communicate, what with all the new technology, such as the internet, cell phones, text messaging, and sky-writing, but more because nobody has the slightest clue what anybody else is trying to say anymore! This likely all started back in the eighties, when the good people at "Webster" decided to include many of our American "slang" words into their dictionary, like "ain't", "can't", and "democrat". I'm not trying to specifically place the blame on Webster's dictionary by itself, but I believe they played a huge role in our lack of communicable skills today. And it's only getting WORSE! I can remember LOT'S of times wherein I would speak my mind in a post on "facebook", only to receive an unintelligible reply from one of my friends, such as "ROFLMAO", or "LMAO", or even "LOL". I find this extremely disturbing, because my name is "RANY", and I have no earthly clue who these other guys are! Judging from their names, I'd have to guess that they are Italian. Or maybe French. Also, I get an "OMG" on occasion, but I'm safely assuming that that's a Greek name.
Even our own government appears to be confused by American "slang" language! Take the 2nd Amendment, for instance, wherein the founding fathers had agreed that the "right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed"! Because of poor communication skills, our government, (by which I mean Democrats and a handful of supreme court justices), have taken this to mean that the government SHOULD infringe on the rights of it's citizens, and spend every minute of their "free" time attempting to ban guns in the United States, then send them to Mexico via government "Help" programs, such as "Fast and Furious"!

Another example would be when former President Bush "senior", while running for election, stated that there would be "no new taxes", and then inundated the country with bales of new taxes after the election. Turns out he was just joking around.

President Obama, after learning that the majority of the American people wanted less government interference in their lives, and that we "working-class" citizens would be plenty happy to just provide for our own selves and families, yet didn't wish to take on the responsibilities of paying for the illegal immigrants and those who were just plain "too lazy to work", immediately introduced what we call "Obama-care", giving most of us the opportunity to pay for the "deadbeats" first, then worry about our own families at a later date. It's not as if he left us with no way out though, because if the job market was good, we could all take "second jobs" in order to help pay, ensuring that these people's lives would be largely unaffected, and that the deadbeats who have never worked at all are now able to sue companies and corporations who refuse to "hire" them for that very fact. With any luck, us taxpayers will be able to pay for not only the lawyers of the deadbeats, but hopefully for the losses of whoever is actually being "sued", as well!

I believe that the only way to fix our problems is to "sort through" our education system and force all of our teachers to teach only proper "English", and no more "slang"! Maybe then our elected officials would be able to understand exactly what it is that we're trying to tell them! Maybe then we would all be able to communicate with each other again. Maybe. But who knows? The only thing I know for sure is that out of all the citizens "polled" in this particular household, one hundred percent of them agreed that we all "take care of our own", and that anything else just "ain't" fair.
Have a great weekend, my "working" Friends! And may God Bless!

"Look out below"!

I've decided to sue NASA. Not for anything they did directly to me, but for the emotional trauma that I suffered this week wondering if their falling satellite was going to land on me. Plus, for the really "stiff" neck I got from constantly gazing up into the sky looking for it, thinking that maybe I would see it in just enough time to take some kind of evasive action! I realize that many of you may have also suffered trauma from this incident, and may be "launching" your OWN lawsuits against NASA, so in the interest of "fairness", I've decided to ask for no more than two hundred million dollars for myself! That should leave plenty of money left over for the rest of you. At least by my way of figuring. Don't get me wrong. It's not as if I have some "personal" problem with NASA. I don't even know any of the employees that work there! It's just that I have enough things to worry about in life without the added burden of knowing that I could be squashed by falling space debris at any moment. One of the things I worry about a bunch is our government, and even though I feel re-assured that there are enough other people worried about it too that Obama couldn't get re-elected to President if his only opponent was a poorly trained lab rat, I still worry how much more damage he can do before he leaves office. I think we have loads of great candidates on the Republican side. I've listened to all of them at one time or another, and even though ALL of them seem to be very intelligent, every one of them has at least one "flaw" that "worries" me. If I was going to pick one to "stand behind" at this particular point in time, it would be Michelle Bachman, but for reasons that may not be all that closely related to politics anyway. I just hope that whoever wins the GOP nomination will make a good President, and get what's left of our great Country back on track! I'm sure it will take many years to undo the damage of the Obama administration, but together, I'm sure "We Can"*! The best part is, at least for me, once we have a good Republican President and begin turning our Nation around, I can stop worrying about the government, and start worrying about the things I used to worry about, such as if "Kenny" will get killed on the next episode of "South Park", or where the electricity goes when it leaves our toaster. You know. The "usual" things a fifty year old man should worry about! If things improve even faster then I predict, I may even cut NASA a little "slack, and take a smaller settlement!
Have a great week Friends! And remember that I'll be here next Sunday with even MORE useless information and ill-given advice! In the meantime, God Bless!


* = Remember that slogan? Don't vote that way again!

"The ruling on the field stands as called"?

I love football. That's one of the reasons that fall is my favorite time of the year. That and hunting season. Unfortunately for me, the state of Kansas couldn't field a decent football team this year if K-State and KU were consolidated, so I spend a lot of my time "surfing" through the other channels, searching for "more interesting" football games. It seems that every year there are tons more "new" rules in college football, most of them to protect the "kickers", whom I would have to assume are a very "fragile" bunch, and probably suffer from low self-esteem. There are some good rules though, such as you can no longer rip an opposing players helmet off of his head and beat him with it, unless you want a 15 yard penalty! Myself, I like the whole "instant replay" system the best, wherein opposing coaches can "challenge" a referee's call on the field due to whatever view an actual camera presents of whatever the situation is. The problem with this is that if you're playing a team with a lot of "clout", like the Oklahoma Sooners, Nebraska Cornhuskers, or basically any team from Texas, (minus the Baylor Bears), you're NOT going to win the "challenge", on account of these teams fans "travel" well, and they need a really good record to get a decent "bowl" game at the end of the season. To give you just one example, yesterday afternoon I was watching the Nebraska Cornhuskers in an exciting first half home game against the Washington Huskies, and Nebraska's #10 Jamal Turner CLEARLY steps "out-of-bounds" on about the eight yard line before running on in to the end zone for a touchdown. Washington's head coach, (whoever he is), challenged the call, and it sounded something like this, at least on MY tv:
Brent: "Looks like there's going to be a challenge, Boomer"!
Boomer: "I would challenge it too, Brent. If you look at it from this angle, Turner was clearly out of bounds"!
Brent: "Don't look at it from that angle anymore, Boomer"!
Boomer: "But look! He ran clean through row 6 of the seating section! He even stopped to buy a hot dog from a vendor"! "For Christ's sake! He's even signing autographs"!
(Meanwhile, a camera zooms in on the sidelines, showing Jamal with a practiced "innocent" look, while trainers are busy wiping chalk off of his left foot and mustard stains off his chin. The referee comes out onto the field with his decision).
Referee: "After further review, the ruling on the field stands as called. Touchdown Nebraska"!
Boomer: "You've GOT to be kidding me"!
Brent: "Just not enough evidence to overturn the call, Boomer".
Boomer:
I don't want anybody to think that I'm just "picking" on Nebraska! I like Nebraska*! But this same thing seems to happen over and over again throughout the world of college football, with all the "breaks" given to the team with the "bigger" name. To be fair, I've seen the same type of thing go on a lot in college basketball, where Kansas actually IS one of the "bigger" names and get's unfair "breaks", but so far I've refrained from actually "writing" about it, even though it troubles me greatly. (not really). In any case, football season has only just begun, and you can bet that not only will I be watching as much as possible, but I'll try to throw in an irritating comment occasionally on my facebook page, cause that's just the kind of guy I am. Especially if you're a "Cornhusker" fan!
Have a great week Friends, and if you're name happens to be "Garry" or "Marty", remember that this is a "humor" blog, and there is no reason to put poisonous snakes in my mailbox.


* not really

The "Vacation Planner"! (That would be me)!

If any of you are looking for ways to take the "relaxation" out of your next family vacation, you should probably let me plan it for you, cause I'm really good at it. It's not that I'm trying to pass the blame or anything, but I remember when I was a kid and we took family vacations my dad was the same way. He'd be cool as a cucumber from the time we left home until we arrived at our destination, all relaxed and "happy-go-lucky", but when he decided it was time to go back home it was best to just stay out of his way. I think I inherited this particular trait from him, whether I wanted it or not, on account of I'm the same way. Oh sure, we had a great time and all, what with rolling through the hills of northern Kentucky while listening to Kentucky "Bluegrass" music on the radio, while my good wife took videos and pictures of the scenery and constantly nagged me about needing to stop at a "rest area", even though we had JUST stopped at one merely two states back. West Virginia was beautiful beyond my imagination, and my son and daughter-in-law have a beautiful place high up in the hills of the "Pipestem" area which, besides offering awesome scenery, also offers a fair chance to fall several hundred feet to your death or getting eaten by black bears, or both, depending on your footing! We had a great time visiting them, and it was only the second time ever that we had met little Daniel Rany Delimont, who will turn five on September 11th. It was the first time we'd EVER seen Denton Michael or Addison Marie, on account of they've lived most of their lives in Alaska, and I refuse to fly. We had a good time with the little ones, even though little "Addi" gave me the impression that she could've easily waited a few more years to meet me! I should probably also mention that after weeks of planning this little excursion, the one thing I didn't do was consult my local "weatherman", who could have no doubt told me ahead of time that remnants from a hurricane and two tropical storms would likely arrive in West Virginia at about the same time we would, and stay even longer! In order to make up for the many things to do that we missed out on because of the constant rain, Nathan took us for a "ride" in his car through the steep, winding roads that he commutes on to work everyday, marking likely the first time I'd ever seen my good wife actually scream out in horror when her eyes were closed anyway. At least I think that's what happened, but I could be wrong! I was "doubling" up on blood pressure pills at the time, which I often do in times of great stress. In any case, we were having fun, right up to the time my "Delimont" gene kicked in on Tuesday morning, reminding me that we were a long way from home, and that we'd better get started back soon, in case we had a flat tire or something and needed a few extra days to fix it, so after Alison and I put Daniel on the school bus at the bottom of the driveway (700 ft), I decided that it was time for Kristy and I to start heading for home, but by way of Virginia and Tennessee first, on account of I'd never been to Virginia and my wife had never been to either State. So off we went, going even farther from home on our quest to get home, the good wife taking videos and still pictures, hollering something about "rest stops" and needing to "pee" while I made uncomplimentary remarks about her bladder and kept us moving. We drove nearly five hundred miles on the first day of our departure, and only ended up about an hours drive away from Nate and Ally's house. It takes considerable planning to accomplish a feat like that, and if you need help to do this, feel free to contact me! The rest of the drive home was filled with even more of the same exciting adventures.

Wife: "Ooh! The Daniel Boone National forest! Should we stop, honey"?
Me: "No dear, Daniel Boone is dead. Let's just let him rest"!

Wife: "Wow! The next tour of Mammoth cave is only four short hours away! Shall we get tickets"?
Me: "We could be in the next State in four hours, dear. We're on our way home, remember"?
Wife: "Could we at least stop at the next rest area? I have to pee"!
Me: "Didn't you just pee in Knoxville"?
Wife: "Yes, but that was over six hours ago, you inconsiderate moron"!
Me: "Well we're never going to get home if you can't control your bladder! Just sayin"!

Probably the only time my good wife got things "her way" on the entire trip was when we got back to Salina Kansas and she talked me into taking her to "PetCo" to get a lobster for her aquarium. It's not that I have all that much against lobsters, but I like them dipped in butter more than swimming around in an aquarium. I also think that most lobsters have "Liberal Democrat" ties, at least judging from the claws. If I've learned nothing else, I know that I've learned EXACTLY how to plan our next vacation, provided we ever take another one. At least together. Next time, I'm just going to pull the car up into a shady area of the driveway and shut it off and roll down the windows. I figure that me and the good wife can sit in it all day if we want to, and our house itself can substitute for the rest areas and hotel rooms. If I time it right, my wife can go to the bathroom without me ever having to let off of the gas pedal, which is pretty much the same tactic she used in West Virginia when Nathan was driving us. We could also stay in touch with friends and family by using our neighbors "blackberry", even if it IS still in the "bush" format! I think I've got a great plan going here. It would be a damn shame if nobody else used it!
Have a great week Friends! And thank you Nathan and Alison, Daniel, Denton, and Addison for inviting us into your beautiful home! Trust me! We had a blast! Love, Dad and Grandpa! Also Grandma, but she had to "pee" as I was writing this. God Bless!

Rice and veggies? Are you serious?

In case any of you are thinking that your government has forgotten about you, what with all the earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding, wars, and this whole national "debt" thing, I'm happy to report that the White House has NOT let their guard down even one iota, at least when it comes to your waistline! I say this only because despite all the other problems facing our country, "obesity" still seems to be the biggest concern for many of the White House staff, including Michelle Obama and most of the cast of "Sesame Street". I'll be the first to admit that my personal body doesn't quite have the sleek and slender design that it had in the seventies, but I'm getting tired of the government comparing MY version of a "healthy diet" to the diets of other people from around the world, such as China, Japan, Indonesia, and just about any other Asian country whose basic "staple" food is rice! While I'll agree that Asian folks are generally fit and trim, I won't agree that it's because they actually 'choose' their diets wisely. Face it. After a few thousand years of eating rice and seaweed for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, most Asians just sort of "pick" at their food anyway. I think the obesity problem goes way deeper than just choosing healthier eating habits. I think it's the governments fault, and specifically the Democrats! Why? Remember when Ronald Reagan was our President, and he was always getting "ticked off" at the Russians for one reason or another, and in almost every such circumstance he would place a "wheat embargo" on them, which meant that OUR wheat farmers couldn't sell wheat to the Russians until President Reagan said it was okay again. This forced Americans everywhere to either eat the wheat themselves or just pile it up into large mounds on their driveways. Nowadays, there is NO wheat embargo that I'm aware of, leaving our farmers free to sell their wheat to whoever they want to, and then using the money to buy beer and throw huge parties involving "junk-food". If memory serves me correctly, "Ron" used to like to make sure that everybody had something to do to keep themselves "busy" too, whereas most Democrats tend to take a more "laid-back" approach on life, and actually encourage hoards of people to just take a few years off for "free", as long as they keep voting "Democrat". Sure. I know what you're thinking! You're thinking that the Democrats sound like a really fun bunch to hang around with, what with all the holidays and lower work ethics, "free" lunches, healthcare, welfare programs, public unions, and Lady Gaga albums, but I'm telling you that THIS is what's making us all "fat" in the first place! I believe that once we elect a "conservative" Republican back into the office of President and go back to where nearly everybody is working for a living, we'd ALL be better off. I also think that we wouldn't necessarily have to put a wheat embargo on Russia anymore either, which should help a bunch, cause that would ensure that we had the money to buy some of the more "healthy", "non-wheat" based imported foods, such as bread, cinnamon rolls, and "Wheaties", while keeping our driveways freed up for vehicle traffic. Also, a good "Conservative Republican President" would eliminate the need for a health-care reform all together, on account of people just naturally "feel better" when a Republican is in charge. By way of proof, I can assure you that I felt much better when Ronald Reagan was our President then I do now, but that could be just me.

Have a great week Friends, and sorry for the lousy "blog" today. Couldn't really "get into it" today, what with my son Cuyler getting deployed again and the good wife and I heading out to West Virginia next weekend. In any case, God Bless! "See" you in two weeks!

"As I was saying.............."

Apparently, I'm losing my mind. Not the part that reminds me to get up every morning and go to work of course, but just the "rational thinking" part. If I'd been Given a choice in the matter, I'd sooner have it the other way around. I'm not really sure just when I started "losing it", but I suspect it was probably in the sixth grade under the influence of our teacher Bob Maydew, who was, at that time, widely known throughout the scholastic system for his "You can paint the barn any color you like, as long as it's red" joke. Now I'm not insinuating in any way that Bob Maydew is responsible for my current situation, because Bob was a fine teacher and a highly respected man. All I'm saying is that he might have done some sort of damage to my "train of thought" that would only show up years later, say at age 49. In any case, I've decided that I have some sort of severe "brain-damage" that would probably require immediate medical attention should I actually ask my doctor, whatever his or her name is. My reasoning for this "self-diagnosis" is that not only am I not thinking "rationally" lately, but I also seem to have some sort of "memory-loss", which seems very strange for a man who can still remember the EXACT look on my friend David Devine's face when we tore the door clean off of his car back in our teenage years, or even the time that me and my friend "Jim-Bob" Allen almost wrecked the city of Lebanon's loader tractor when we were patching asphalt and Lori Merritt walked by in a pair of yellow shorts, sandals, and a multi-colored, vertical-striped, sleeveless shirt. Understand that by no means am I trying to single these friends out, it's just that Dave and Jim-Bob (R.I.P. Friend), were my usual "buddies", and Lori was a very pretty girl. What I DON'T remember is the exact date that me and my family moved out of the United States of America, and into some obviously "third-world" country with very little "clout" among the other nations. It puzzles me, on account of I don't like to fly, don't remember taking a cruise ship anywhere, and the odometer on my pickup truck seems to show that I've only driven locally for quite some time now. I even have neighbors who are far too old and frail to take long trips, yet they are right here with me in whatever country this is. Maybe we're in Great Britain, cause I've heard that the people there don't have any "rights" or money, and we don't seem to either. Heck! I've seen footage from London showing the police just standing around and watching as "unarmed" civilians' businesses were burned to the ground by "protesters". That alone should prove that "gun control" is a GOOD thing, in as much as no harm was done to any of the culprits! Shucks! Just the other day there was a group of cult members from "westboro" (thank you Barbara Ball, it will be a cult, not a Church, from now on when I write), who had the nerve to "protest" a military funeral in a military town! Luckily, the very police force that receives their wages and compensation from the taxpayers of Hays Kansas were on hand to "serve and protect", like it says on their patrol cars, and no harm came to these freaks either, leaving them free to stir up even more feelings of discontent in the future. If this isn't enough, we now have "flash-mobs", which is a popular event in some of the larger cities wherein regular citizens and business owners are invited to watch criminals steal from them while the police sit idly by. If YOU are a business owner or just a "plain old" citizen, and you feel that not enough of your money or possessions are being stolen from you, or maybe you feel that you're just getting way too much respect from your fellow citizens, the liberal Democrats have set up a "toll-free" (paid for by taxpayers everywhere) telephone number with which you can call and have a flash mob rob you, but only during hours that "American Idol" is not on! Wow! I guess I'm droning on and on again, and probably even to the point that I don't even remember what the subject of today's blog is about. Wait a minute! It was something about losing my mind. Or maybe my memory. Whatever. All I know is that sometimes things get broken, and if it's a "little" thing like a watch, television remote, or an exercise wheel in your gerbil cage it can sometimes be "fixed" by only one person. If something "bigger" gets broken, it may take a whole "batch" of people to fix it. Preferably a batch that doesn't spend their days drinking jello shots out of each others belly buttons and waiting in lines for their welfare checks.

Have a great week Friends! And know that when I started this blog my intentions were good. It's just that sometimes I think either too much or too little about what I write. Remember, I'm just a construction worker. God Bless!

Vacation Again? But it's MY turn!

In only three more weeks my good wife Kristy and I will head on out to West Virginia to spend a few days with my son Nathan and daughter-in-law Alison and little Danny, Denton, and Addison! We've been waiting rather impatiently to make this trip for the better part of a year now, and now that the time is getting closer it seems like the clocks are all stuck in "granny" gear, cause they rarely ever move at the speed I think they should be moving. "Nate" tells me there's not a lot of "tourist" attractions in the particular part of West Virginia where they live, but I'm pretty sure there are at least FIVE things we want to see, and three of them are still pretty close to the ground. The only reason we don't just jump in the car and drive out there once or twice a month is because I'm not the President of the United States, which kind of sucks when I think about it for more than five minutes or so. Come to think of it, I'm not even a congressman. I guess when you really start taking the "peeling" off, I'm just an ordinary construction worker, and my wife is just an ordinary "deli-manager", so we're forced to plan our life's events using the old-fashioned "budget" guidelines, even though this method has been "tossed-out" in Washington and most other government agencies in favor of the more modern "Just print some more" ideology. The biggest problem I've found so far by being in "the working class" of people, is that you have to be somewhat "responsible" for your OWN finances! Plus you have to let the government have a huge chunk of your paycheck before You get it, otherwise numerous big, burly men with large federal dogs will come and take you away. Taking money from your weekly paycheck isn't always enough to satisfy the government, because they generally want even MORE in the first part of April each year. Sometimes I get a little "ticked-off" at the Internal Revenue Service because I think they take way too much out of mine, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I just need to realize that they are trying to protect me from having to try to figure out what I'd do with it if I had any extra. They're probably afraid that I'd just throw it into the bushes next to the alley behind my house, or blow it all on "Cheetos". I suppose that someday I'll probably "wake up" and realize that I'll never get "rich" working in the "private" sector and "run" for some type of position in the political field, like a "senator", or "representative" or something. I think I'd have a pretty good chance at either one on account of there's a large sum of people right here in Kansas that would just LOVE to see me go to Washington, or just about ANY other state. If I "played my cards right", I may even work my way up to the office of "President", and then I could take vacations whenever I grew tired of performing my "Presidential duties", such as having dinners with campaign contributors, or playing golf. I could even take a vacation to "Martha's Vineyard", where most all of our President's go. I really don't know who "Martha" is, but I've been hearing about her vineyard for as long as I can remember, so she's GOT to be getting pretty old by now, and I'd like to meet her before it's "too late", if you get my drift. Come to think of it, President Obama is vacationing there this week on account of "there's not much going on" in the country at present. I hope he gets a chance to relax and "rewind"! Maybe he'll come up with a brand new list of people to blame for his incompetence, which would be nice, cause I'm getting kind of tired of the old one. I hope he's not using any of MY money to take his vacation, cause I'm going to need it for West Virginia! Especially if we get lost in all those hills because we couldn't afford a GPS on our budget. I DO plan to leave a trail of "Cheetos" behind on the roads we take once we enter the state so we can find our way back out again, so if any of you are going to be in West Virginia on "Labor Day" week, please don't eat them! At least not until you see us go back by. Then I don't care.

Have a great week Friends, and see you here next Sunday! God willing, of course!

"Government programs"! (How they help our Country)!

Sometimes I get the feeling that the entire world underwent some type of radical change and nobody told me. I only say this because I'm obviously "out of touch" with modern society to a point where I don't even feel welcome any more. I'll be fifty years old in January, but if we went back thirty years there wouldn't be a heck of a lot of difference in my lifestyle, save for a few grey hairs. I still have a gun rack in my truck, several rifles and shotguns in the house, fishing poles, tackle boxes, ammo cans, bows, arrows, hat's, and old boots that are "still too good" to throw away basically "litter" the back porch and basement. My computer desk is littered with past and current issues of "American Rifleman" magazines, several notebooks full of scrawlings, monthly issues of Hillsdale college's "Imprimus" publications, a "Kansas" road map, toothpick dispenser, and a "frosty" mason jar full of my traditional Sunday morning "tomato" juice. I also chew tobacco, smoke cigarettes, listen to Rush Limbaugh, and watch FOX news each night. What I want to know, is why didn't somebody tell me a long time ago that this type of self-destructive lifestyle was not only very "dangerous", but would also one day lead our entire nation into financial turmoil? Sure, I remember at least SOME of the things that the democrats tried to warn me about to protect me, such as the times they'd ban a particular firearm so I couldn't legally own it, but criminals still could, and I realize they only did this to keep me from hurting myself, on account of my "immaturity". The democrats were constantly reminding the rest of us that "guns kill", even though many of us would often try to put the blame on the lunatic pulling the trigger, who had apparently been "abused" by his great uncle Herb at one time, or a trusted family pet. None of my household weapons have ever killed any human being. At least not that I'm aware of, but due to the enlightenment I've been getting from the dems I keep a "suspicious" eye on them, and I really do think I saw my SKS move on it's own the other night, but I'm not sure cause I'd been drinking. It's not just guns that our democrat leaders are trying to protect us from, they're also trying to help us to live a longer and more "quality" type of life, mostly by convincing us to give up our bacon double cheeseburgers and french fries for some of the more healthier foods, such as prairie grass, nuts and berries, and boiled gravel. It was also the democrats, (in their ongoing efforts to reduce the number of "productive" people in this country), who came up with the ingenious idea of fueling our vehicles with "ethanol", rather than messing around with all that smelly old "crude" oil which lies abundantly under our land. Ethanol is widely popular to this day, giving the average motorist the ability to pay a few pennies less at the pump, while, at the same time giving him the satisfaction of knowing that he will get about half of the mileage per gallon that he would have if he'd just bought regular old "petroleum". The fact that he's taking food out of cattle's mouths and causing a nationwide feed shortage is of no concern either, cause he's eating boiled gravel now, remember? Some of the really "serious" democrats, like Al Gore, believe that we're ruining our planet through our "emissions" into the environment and causing what he calls "global warming", which helped to create a nationwide panic among people who think just like he does, and as a result, we now have several locations across the country with a huge population of giant "windmills", which, at the cost of nearly 3 million dollars apiece, can generate enough electricity to light up an entire 30-inch television screen, provided that the wind is blowing. "Government programs" is another way the democrats have been "looking out" for us, and I think this is a great idea because it gives us the opportunity to not only decide if we "want" to work, but in many cases how "hard" we want to work! If you're willing to work, but not all that "hard", you could get yourself a "government" job, wherein you'd receive a huge salary from the common taxpayers for conducting a study on the mating habits of the Australian field mouse, cause Lord knows this is important! On the other hand, if you don't wish to work at all, that's okay too! That's what the rest of us are here for, to "take care" of you! In short, the democrat's have lot's of great ideas and programs for this country, and I think those of us who are "frittering" our lives away by going to "work" on a daily basis are just wasting our time, and need to become a little more "worldly"! Personally, I'm going to try to be a more "modern" man myself, by learning how to "cry" in public, like John Boehner does. If I really get "into it", maybe someday I'll just give all of my guns, my truck, and my gun magazines to my wife. Maybe even my "testicles". I better go now Friends. I'm involved in a "study group" as to what made our great nation's credit rating drop, and from what I've seen so far from the "liberal" media, it's probably my fault. Have a great weekend Friends, and may God Bless!

Just staring at the "debt ceiling"! (and thinking).

I've been watching (and listening) to the news a lot lately, what with all the talk about the "national debt", and raising the nation's "debt ceiling", and I think it has probably helped me quite a bit, at least in my personal "accounting" methods. The main reason I say this is because my good wife and I have made an unusually large amount of purchases so far in this particular calendar year, such as a different car, truck, and a couple of "scooters" (for those special occasions), and I'm afraid I'm going to run out of money before I get a fishing boat. Well, I WAS afraid, but that was before I started paying close attention to how our government does business, and decided to just simply "raise" my own debt ceiling! Heck! It's fool-proof! Now I'll have the freedom to buy whatever I want and no matter the cost, right? The way I figure, if for some reason I'm not able to actually "pay" for any these things, my children and grandchildren can work off my debts later by working in a Chinese "sweat shop", or picking up roadside garbage for the government. In any case, I'm sure they wouldn't mind helping the "old man" out. Unfortunately, every time I come up with a plan like this one, (which is no doubt "borderline" genius), my good wife will inevitably find some sort of fault or flaw in it, no matter how ridiculously small it is. She's always been sort of "funny" that way. She apparently thinks that are ceilings are already too high, and should be maybe "lowered" down to the "seventies" level, (which I believe was eight feet, on account of everybody was trying to conserve energy because Jimmy Carter told us to) . Personally, just between you and me, I think she just likes being "mean" to me. You should hear the way she rambles on and on while spouting off totally irrational commands to me, and most of the time they don't make an ounce of sense! "You've had enough", she'll say, or "put your pants on, we have company coming over"! One time my grandson Caden and I caught a smallish catfish and put it in her aquarium to keep her tropical fish company and she wasn't appreciative at ALL. Now that you know just what I'm having to deal with, I'm open for any suggestions that would help me convince her to raise our debt ceiling. Sure, I've tried the same "scare-tactic" that Obama and the liberal democrats are trying to use on the American citizens, only I reworded it to fit my particular situation. The result was that it sounded as if I had just spent an entire year on an island where the only recreational activity was taking large quantities of illegal drugs, like this: "Honey, if I don't buy a new bass boat before the second day of August, old people won't get their social security checks, soldiers won't get paid, global warming will melt the ice caps, and we'll all be ruled by people who keep moving their mouths after their done talking, like in "King Kong"! "Also, we stand a fair chance of getting stung to death by electric eels, what without a new boat"! I really don't know why these things don't work for me, but they never do. I still don't have a boat. Maybe if I wear a suit, stand behind a podium, and read from a teleprompter I would have more success, but I don't know. I just know that my wife isn't easily fooled, and she pays little attention to politics in the first place. I wonder how it is that President Obama manages to "scare" such a large percentage of our population into believing him? Maybe I should try to look more "Presidential" when pleading with my wife for more money, and maybe even try to scare some of my elderly neighbors, like Ralph, or Leonard. They shouldn't be too difficult to scare. They've always seemed to be a little "jittery" anyway. At least whenever I've been around. Come to think of it, maybe I'll just keep on working and saving until I can buy my boat "outright", on account of "begging" for more money and "scaring" senior citizens in order to get my way doesn't sound very "Presidential" at all! At least not to me.

Have a great week, Friends, and I'll see you here next Sunday. God willing, of course.

"Yippie" "Skippee" "Hippie"! Now let's go vote!

I've been doing a lot of thinking about our great country lately, as well as the many generations of people who have helped to make it what it is today, which is broke. In short, I'm trying to decide, (via a "scientific" experiment involving large quantities of "red" beer), just whose generation to blame this on, and so far I don't like the conclusion. So far, I've pretty much ruled out the folks living in the "roaring" 20's, because they basically "stuck to their own business" and created such a huge mass of wealth for themselves that when they tried to put it all into the stock markets on "Wall street" in the late 20's, all the buildings collapsed, creating a huge dust cloud that covered much of the country for the better part of the next decade. That alone means that we can't blame our current situation on the "thirties" folks either, on account of they worked very hard just to survive the "everyday" conditions. Plus, they had to wear clothing made from "flour" sacks, and seldom had time to "surf" the web. In at least the first part of the 40's, folks were busy saving the world from the evil tyrant Adolf Hitler, so they too had little time to damage America's economy. And I know for a fact that the "50's" were basically a "carefree" period, in which everybody named "Howard" worked in a hardware store, and every woman stayed home to clean house, cook, and try to keep "Ritchie" from having anything to do with the kid's who may turn out to be a bad influence in their lives later on, such as "Pottsie", or "Fonzie". Let's see now, where are we? Oh yeah! The "sixties"! In my mind, this could be the period in which our great country first started giving birth to "Liberals". America was involved in a "police-action" war in Vietnam at the time, and Lyndon B. Johnson was the President. Of course he was a "Democrat", and under his "leadership", a whole new "breed" of Americans were born, known as the "hippie" generation, or you could just call them "liberal democrats" for short. The "hippie" generation, (which lasted well into the 70's), was where many Americans learned that all of them silly "morals" and "ethics" of the generations who came before them should just be ignored, because after all, the world did exist ONLY to serve them. Hippies taught us a lot about such matters as "war", (wherein you only had to go to it if you really WANTED to!), "work", (where their official motto was "Why should I have to"?), and of course, "music", wherein if you found a hippie commune with a really good supply of "drugs" and "alcohol", you'd also find a commune full of our future leaders burning our nations flag and attempting to sing "Yellow Submarine" by the Beatles. I've actually seen footage of this that involved former President Bill Clinton, but he was elected anyway. Speaking of Bill, "Sex" was another area in which the "hippies" taught us bales of information, such as how it's much more sanitary to just go ahead and have it with a perfect stranger upon a chance encounter, cause Lord only knows where their HANDS have been! Hippies also made it extremely popular to "smoke" after having sex, though I don't do it myself. At least I've never actually SEEN any. I realize that, as voters, we're running out of choices of people to vote for that don't actually come from the 60's and 70's era, but I think we should just overlook these candidates, and maybe skip right up to the "Yuppie" generation of the 80's! They're probably not much better, but at least they don't go around painting "smiley faces" and "butterflies" on all of their "out-buildings"! I'm sure they probably "cry" a lot though, but mostly because the "hippies" said that it was okay for men to be "in touch" with their emotions. I think my "scientific" study is over now. You can think what you want, but I know which "generation" I'M going to blame for America's problems! MINE! But it's NOT MY FAULT! Remember? The WHOLE WORLD OWES me! Think about it Friends! We own it, and don't give me none of that "inherited" crap that Obama keeps pushing around! We all need to do our part lest the whole thing be gone! Have a great week Friends, and like I've said before : "If God loves you, there's no reason why I shouldn't"! See you all next Sunday, and May God Bless!

"Looking back" The High School Years, Crap!

I miss school. I'm not sure why, as I rarely even attended it when I was an actual student. Maybe there really was something to it when all the "older" folks used to tell me that I'd better enjoy going to school, because "someday I'll look back and see just how easy I had it"! Maybe the older folks secretly put some sort of "hex" on my life for all the days I "skipped" school to do more important things, like hunting and fishing with my "buddies", whose lives also appear to be "hexed". I really don't know how the older people would go about putting an actual hex on somebody, but I'm pretty sure they did it to me. I just hope they didn't have to sacrifice any live "goats" or "virgins" in the process. Well, goats anyway. "Virgins" were pretty scarce in the seventies. At least in the places where I hung out. Whatever the case, it turns out that the older people were right, and I really DO look back on my High school days fondly, at least MOST of them. We really did "have it made"! They fed us well, treated us fairly, taught us "sportsmanship", and basically kept us occupied in a manner in which there was no feasible way to get into trouble, at least if you "attended" on a somewhat regular basis. Sure, there were some teachers who it seemed would go out of their way to make your life more miserable, such as our algebra teacher, "John Neyer", who obviously wasn't even a native of this particular planet! "John", aka "Mr. Neyer", was constantly trying to confuse us by mixing up letters of the alphabet into mathematical equations by giving us problems to solve, like: 5x+2=27. Seriously! What the hell does that mean? Just for his own amusement, John would change the "value" of the "x" frequently, in a way that would attract very little attention from the other students, but I was "smart" enough to sort of "call him out" on occasion, and make him explain his way of thinking to me. You really shouldn't trust guys who keep changing the value of "x". At least that's my way of thinking. I remember the annual "S.A.T." tests, which I think stood for "Schoolastic Apptitude Tests, but I'm not sure. I don't remember things very well anymore because of the "hex". But anyway, the S.A.T. tests were given to us in our schools lunchroom once a year, wherein you'd be given, (as a student), a total of two "number two" pencils, a piece of "scratch" paper, and an eraser. The general idea was that some government agency could determine how intelligent you were by asking you a question, and then giving you the answer via "multiple choice", and like a chimpanzee, you were expected to fill in the correct "oval" in order to get a "passing" grade and obtain more government money for your particular school. I kind of liked the S.A.T.'s, but mostly because of the fact that almost ALL of the "problems" were written in simple, easy to understand, formats, such as this:

(Bob wants to remodel his kitchen with pink wallpaper and a series of cute little ducks embedded within. Bob can't do this himself, so he asks his best friend "Ted" for help. Bob's kitchen is 12 feet by 14 feet with an 8 foot ceiling. Knowing that wallpaper comes in eight foot by 32 inch rolls, how long will it take Ted to figure out that Bob's a little bit "strange", and that he should flee immediately?"

If you're like me, you would have left immediately, and even tightened your belt by at least one notch and been damned sure not to bend over. But that's not my point! My point is that no matter what crazy schemes the older folks would come up with to keep us on the "straight and narrow", it actually worked. Sure, our parents and mentors were basically "idiots" back when we were younger, but now that we've grown older, it's somewhat surprising to see the progress they've made in the "intelligence" department! I would have to say that them stupid "older" people were doing their damndest best to help us kids. I wonder if we're doing the same for our own children and grandchildren? I wonder if all algebra teachers come from another planet? Sure, I realize that I just use the "humor" to sort of "suck" you into reading my blogs, but you'd do the same thing if you're Country was possibly on the "decline" due to lack of "leadership", wouldn't you? Guess what?It really is in OUR hands now! Think about it! Please! America is the greatest Nation in the whole world. Let's keep it that way! Have a great week Friends, and may the Good Lord Bless! Also, you should probably listen to the "older" folks, on account of they "built" this Country. See you next Sunday, my TRUE Friends!

"Independence Day" ramblings from an "old" guy!

I hope that everybody's having a great Independence Day! We had our little "get-together" last night, on account of tomorrow is a "work" day, and history has proven to me that if I get too "sociable" on the day just before a work day I have a hard time making it to the actual "work" part, so our celebration and barbeque is already "said and done"! My good wife had to work today, so basically I'm just left here with my own thoughts and a computer, which is probably not such a good thing. I wonder if I'm the only "blogger" who can only type with his two "index" fingers? See? Right there was a perfect example of the stupid things my brain comes up with at times like these! I also wonder which one of my grandchildren ate all of my hot and spicy pork rinds that are supposed to be here on the computer desk, AND left the lid off of my jar of peanuts, but I'm sure that information is "classified", and the best I can do is make highly uneducated guesses, right Paige? I like the fourth of July, mostly because it's all about the "history" of how our Great Nation came to be. Occasionally, I may get some of the "details" a little mixed up, but overall I think I could be a pretty good teacher at some elementary school somewhere, provided that it was a "union" type of job and I had "tenure", and couldn't be fired even if I taught the kid's to urinate on the gymnasium floor. I'm not sure that schools really want their teachers to inform our children anymore, at least not in the way we "older" people were informed. I wonder if young school-agers today even know who "Paul Revere" was? Sure. OUR generation knows all about "Paul", and how he sent General George Washington a "text" message informing him that the "British were coming", forcing General Washington into an uncontrollable "rage", in which he chopped down a cherry tree and threw it across the Delaware river for a dollar? I think it's even possible that today's children don't even realize that Abraham Lincoln had to do his homework by writing on the back of a shovel with a "Kingsford Edge" charcoal briquette every time the electricity went out, or even how many failed attempts it took before Thomas Edison was successfully able to connect the famed "black light" to his stereo system in a way that made the beautiful "Farrah Fawcett's" teeth bask in the glow on her posters in virtually everybody's bedrooms back in the seventies? What about Alexander Graham Bell, who invented the "party-line", which is still used today in parts of the "deep" south, where everybody's related anyway? There's way too many great people who have done a number of great things to mention in this particular "blog", and possibly, like I stated before, I may have some of the actual "facts" screwed up, but don't let THAT bother you! Know that I love this great Country, and that I believe NO sacrifice is "too much" to keep it! Have a "Blessed" day today my Friends, and know that the United States of America has always been kind of a "one-shot" chance to avoid the tyranny of rule by people who know little more about life than you do. This is what GOD intended for us! Let's keep it going! Also, I would like to say that: May the Good Lord Bless and keep You, whether near or far away! May the Good You shine on Others, shine on YOU today! May Your Hearts be filled with music, that would fill the hearts of men, and may the Good Lord Bless and Keep You, until we meet again! Finally signing off Friends!

June 2011. (A look back in disgust).

Once again, I've taken the time to compile most of the newsworthy (or not) happenings from the entire month before and present it to you via this handy "blog" form. The actual DATES of each story are fictitious, as is (in some cases), much of the content of the story itself, but remember, I am NOT a "real" news reporter, and don't have the time necessary to do all the proper research! I am a "beer swilling" construction worker who is trying to keep YOU informed in my "free time", and for "free"! You can thank me later.

June 1: Representative Anthony "The meat" Weiner, (D-New York), is pressured by fellow congressmen to resign his "post", after a series of lewd photos "popped up" on the internet, involving his private parts. Many Weiner supporters felt that Anthony had gotten the "shaft".

June 5: In a unanimous vote, the citizens of both Missouri and Colorado raised the speed limit in Kansas to 75 mph, stating that "There's nothing to do or see there anyway". The new law went into effect on July the first.

June7: In her ongoing quest to stop the "senseless" killing of animals, Lady "Gaga" auctions off a dress made entirely of the flesh of animals, and sends the proceeds to a chicken farmer in Kentucky.

June 9: Taxpayers across the Nation breathed a collective sigh of relief upon learning that Michelle Obama, her mother, and two daughters were going to South Africa. This turned out to be a short-lived sigh though, when citizens were informed that it was merely a "vacation", rather than a "migration".

June 10: Say whatever you want! I'm still "pissed-off" about the speed limit!

June15: "Just one more thing". Actor Peter Falk (Columbo), dies at the age of 83, and if you aren't old enough to remember "Columbo", you're probably not old enough to be reading my blog.

June17: Playboy magnate Hugh "Hugh" Hefner, gets "stood-up" at the altar by a voluptuous 25 yr. old Crystal Harris, who was a recent "centerfold" model in his own magazine. Obviously shaken, the 86 yr. old multi-millionaire still managed to show the "rebel" spirit that made him world-renowned in the first place by having his secretary "bring him another girl".

June 21: After hearing the testimony of family members in the Casey Anthony murder trial, Americans everywhere are drawn much closer together with their OWN families, and often perform "toasts" to each other stating that by God they are NOT the most disgusting, dysfunctional family in the world. Many, (including me), believe it would be a more effective measure to just have the whole family shot, before they can reproduce again.

June 26: Former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss Kahn (socialist-France), was allowed to go free and cleared of the "rape" charges placed against him by a maid in a New York hotel after hiring former President Bill "Slick-Willy" Clinton to defend him. According to an eyewitness report, the prosecution failed repeatedly to actually "define" rape. Also, almost no money whatsoever exchanged hands.

June 29: Maria Schriver announces that she is "terminating"her marriage to her husband, former actor and Governor Arnold "I'll be BACK" Schwarzenegger, forcing a rare and "impromptu" family meeting between Arnold and his 137 children in which it was decided that Arnold will take a job as a "Kindergarten Cop" in order to pay off much of his overdue child support.

June 30: An exasperated Barrack Obama, upon realizing that he has been in office for two and a half years now and can no longer feasibly blame the rotten economy on former President Bush, has decided to just go ahead and blame the T.E.A. party Republicans in congress for his failures. In a private interview with "Sixty Minutes" correspondent "Morley Schafer", Obama defends himself with the logic that outside of some "seriously damaging" policies that he's put into place, he's spent most of his time either on vacation, playing golf, vacationing to play golf, taking a vacation from golf, or just simply golfing to relieve the stress of vacationing.

Personally, I think he's right, but as I said at the beginning of this blog, I am NOT a professional reporter! I AM extremely good at drinking beer and forming my own opinions though. Heck! If YOU try hard enough, you can probably form your OWN opinion on such matters as "government", "laws", "taxes", "wars", and whether or not the "Hot@Spicy" brand of pork rinds puts a tad too much "spice" into their recipe. I think it's very important that we all think for ourselves, rather than just accept whatever crap the mainstream media wants us to believe. We'll not always agree on everything, but we're really not supposed to. That's what makes us "free"! If, for some reason, you've grown "tired" of being "free", and wish to have your government make all of your major decisions for you, then just keep doing what you're doing and you'll get that soon enough. In the meantime, have a happy "Independence Day"! It would be great if you just sat down and thought about the word "Independence" for awhile, but most likely you won't. In any case, have a great weekend friends! Happy July 4th! May God bless, and remember that if your fuse burns out to quickly and your firecracker goes off way too soon, it's possible that you may have previously exaggerated the actual length of your particular "fuse". It's also highly possible that you're about the same age as, heck, I don't know, Me! Have a Great week Friends, and if you happen to find any extra money lying around, it's probably mine, because I just lost some in whatever State, Province, or Country you happen to be in. And probably just yesterday.

Vote "Rany"! ( or just suffer!)

Once again, I've decided to run for the office of President of the United States of America, but only because I don't really have that much to do today. I realize that my chances of actually "winning" the Republican nomination would be "slim", at best, but I've taken the time to compile a list of reasons as to how I would get tons of votes from the "Liberal Democrats", who, it seems, always have a way of narrowing our selection of candidates through such means as "media coverage"! Face it! I've got every bit as much "popularity" as either Rand Paul or Herman Cain, but what I don't have is the necessary "funding" it takes to "run for office". I also lack the basic "common sense" that the Good Lord instilled in most other life forms, such as humans, household pets, and "free-range" rutabagas, but that shouldn't be an issue here. The way I figure, the average, "run-of-the-mill" American citizen no longer cares about the "little" things, such as whether or not they've elected a leader to represent them to the rest of the world who has an IQ score in the "positive" numbers. I think, based on recent television news, that the American voter is only interested in "honesty", and just about anything else that would make a great "News" story! Heck! I have literally "loads" of that kind of stuff! For instance, I tend to "look people in the eye" when I'm engaged in conversation with them, unless of course the person I happen to be talking to is "female", in which case I have to be entirely "honest" with you and admit that in nearly twenty years of being with my wife, there's not a chance in hell that I can tell you what color her eyes are. This happens a lot to me whenever I see ANY woman, especially in the "summer"! I'm guessing that it's an early sign of "Alzheimers" disease, or maybe "alcohol". But seriously, sometimes I don't fully recognize a woman in a "bikini" until I've "circled" the block at least three times. In many cases, I'm not even sure if the woman even HAS a "face", but that's probably just me. I think that admission alone should probably make me a "shoo-in" for the Republican nomination, at least if I were trying to get votes from the "other side", but if it's not enough, I also drink large quantities of "beer", which is a "liquid" type of refreshment that I believe Jesus himself gave us the recipe for, knowing that one day our wives would spend their time watching such things as "American Idol" on television. Also, as a "candidate" for the "Presidency", I would vow to do lot's of "really neat" things with tax-payer money, such as adding more "twine" to the world's largest ball of twine in Cawker City Kansas, and maybe even adding more corn to the "Corn Palace" in Mitchell, South Dakota. In any case, I figure that I can't lose. I figure that my personal "moral compass" needs a factory "reset", but in the meantime, if elected, I'll be able to keep YOU and your CHILDREN on the right "track", and that's what is ultimately important! Please vote "Rany" on your next election ballot! It won't do no good, but maybe it will fill you with the satisfaction of knowing that you voted for "honesty"! Have a great week Friends, and know that I NEED YOUR votes, on account of I'm tired of working for a living. It's OUR Country, and our dad's are very tired, so let's fix it by ourselves! GOD Bless! Also, I would like to add that if you're a "female", I have no idea whatsoever what you're eye-color is, even though I can probably tell you the exact "top" you were wearing when we met for the first time.

"Bad to the bone"?

Sometimes I think that both my wife and I are going through some sort of "mid-life" crisis, wherein we grow tired of the same old routine of just going to work everyday and then going to bed each night after the news is over. As exciting as that may sound to some, it just "isn't enough" for some of your "higher-geared" couples, like me and my wife Kristy, so this weekend we decided to officially become members of the "bikers" community and pooled our money together to buy our first "Hog"! Well, actually, it's not so much a hog as it is a fifty cc Yamaha moped "scooter", but I think it commands about the same amount of respect as a Harley does, judging from the way people look at us when we ride by. I realize that being a "biker" carries a certain amount of personal responsibility with it, and as a way of proving to the rest of the populace in Ellis that we are indeed "mature" enough to own a moped, we are putting ourselves through a fairly rigid "school" on the basic rules of the road. Even so, I have a lot of questions that have been overlooked entirely by the people of the Yamaha corporation when they printed the users manual for our particular scooter. For instance, how many tattoos are we required to have for a bike of this size? Do the tattoos need to be highly visible, or can some of them be hidden? Is it really required that my good wife "flashes" her breasts to oncoming motorists and truck drivers, or shall I tell her to stop it immediately? When we take our first road trip to some biker "rally" place, such as Sturgis, will the other bikers slow down to the maximum 30 mph that OUR bike can achieve, or will we be "cut from the herd" and forced to travel alone? Will we need to buy leather jackets and chaps, and special boots, or will we look "tough enough" in shorts and flip-flops? What about Sarah Palin? I'm a huge fan of hers, but I wonder if she'd let us ride with her on her next "tour"? I also wonder if the local law enforcement will start "casing" our home, keeping a suspicious eye on us at all times, and keeping tabs on all of our visitors, now that we're "bikers"? Will we be able to join an actual bikers group, such as "Hell's Angels", or the "Shriners", or is there some sort of rigorous test we would have to pass in order to qualify? If you ask me, there are a lot of things that should be covered in our manual that are far more important than the "simpleton" things they mention, such as where to put the gas in, and how to activate the turn signals and brakes, but maybe that's just me. In any case, Happy Fathers Day to all you guys out there who either are a father, have a father, or for some reason just don't know yet! And to all of my new biker friends, keep the bugs in your teeth and the wind blowing through the area where your hair once was! Also "Peace out Bro"! At least I THINK that's a "Biker" term. Happy Fathers Day, and if you STILL have nothing better to do, I'll be back next Sunday morning! Have a great week, and God Bless YOU and yours!

Do YOU have "what it takes" to be a Politician?

I understand that there's a fairly good number of people here in the United States that would love nothing more than to just be able to quit working altogether, and instead be paid handsomely by the U.S. government, whether it be 'via' a public sector "union", or starting a brand new "career" as an elected official. Whatever you choose, I'm here to help you most every Sunday morning by "keeping you informed" on the various tactics and actions that you will need to perform in order to secure your own "government position", and it don't cost you anything! That's just the kind of guy I am! To begin, let's just assume that you're running for one of the "smaller" political offices that are widely available, such as a "Senator", "House Representative", "Governor", "Lieutenant Governor", "Mistress of Lieutenant Governor", or "Illegal immigrant worker who routinely gets his "tool" wet with the lieutenant governors real wife when the L.G. goes on "business" trips with his mistress". The first thing you need to do to ensure that the people who you want to vote for you actually DO vote for you, is to deny any involvement whatsoever with organizations that are "uncool", such as the "Republican Party", "T.E.A. Party", "Beer Party", and basically anything else that may make you look like a "Conservative" or "Christian"! Why? The simple answer is that nobody cares about these kind of things anymore,* and if YOU continue to harbor "out-dated" beliefs based on the fact that the people who voted you "in" actually expect you to represent them in a "good" way, you're not gonna "make it"! Face it! The ONLY way you'll ever make it in "politics" is to run as a "Liberal Democrat", so I suggest that you do that immediately! Also, it would help to have a few "sex scandals" on your resume, so if you don't currently have any, or are otherwise not inclined to cheat on your particular "spouse", I suggest that you either "rent" one, or just make one up from "scratch". "Sex-ting" is another sure-fire, time-tested way to earn the votes of people who have I.Q. scores in the negative numbers, so if you do not currently own a cell phone capable of taking pictures of your "private parts", I suggest that you get one immediately, and if you happen to be a female, let me know and I'll give you an e-mail address to a "secure" place where you can send your pictures to, but ONLY if you want my vote! I tend to take these matters "seriously"! If in fact you actually DO get elected, you will have to understand that a certain type of behavior will be expected from you, now that you're a "public figure"! The general "public" apparently no longer cares* about such trivial things as "job performance", but is now enlightened enough to actually believe that our elected officials are more like "movie stars", so rather than be a "boring", "stick to the issues" type of public servant, you should probably "shake things up" a little, maybe by selling a Senate seat, or drowning a mistress in a lake! Sorry, but the "Giant Swimming Rabbit" story has already been taken. Also, it is widely believed that George "Herbert Walker" Bush did not get reelected for a second term mainly due to the lack of a "sex scandal", as well as the fact that he had enough names for at least two people. You should also have a "state-of-the-art" computer in your actual government office, chock full of video games as well as the ability to get huge amounts of internet "porn", because now that you're employed by the United States government, you'll be spending several hours each week at "work", and you're going to need something to do! If the stresses of working for the "people" start to wear on you, feel free to take advantage of at least one of the many government "exercise" facilities, which should not only give you the chance to "unwind", but also give you the opportunity to take naked pictures of yourself with your cell phone, and send them to young girls in the northeast who may be currently struggling with trying to figure out the "metric" system anyway, what with all the conversions from "centimeters" to "inches". Well, that's all the time I have for today, but I sincerely hope that YOU, the potential candidate, may have inadvertently learned that you have no business running for any kind of "office" in the first place, unless of course you are willing to give up on all the morals, beliefs, and standard codes of conduct that your parents instilled in you in the first place! As for myself, I'm still planning on running for the office of "Beer can picker-upper" in Ellis, and in order to keep my "dream" alive, I'm afraid that I must post this naked picture of my "private parts" right now on my blog, so here it is, in the parenthesis (:-). Well, you have to keep in mind that this is an "aerial" view, and even though the picture is depicted in "actual size", the "point" is still the same, by which I mean that if you approve of this, you shouldn't be voting anyway! Have a great week Friends! And remember that GOD Loves You! Also, you shouldn't let "quality" pictures such as this fall into the wrong hands over the internet, so choose your friends wisely!


* Except me!

The "Ruling" class of people?

One of the greatest benefits we have here in the United States is undoubtedly our ability to choose and elect our own leaders, or, at least, we are able to cast a vote for whichever candidates had enough money to get their name on the ballot, whether or not they really have our best interests in mind. Outside of that particular problem, and also the fact that illegal immigrants, deceased people, and large amounts of reasonably smart house pets are currently allowed to vote as well, as long as they vote "Democrat", our system is in great shape! But no matter how much money was spent on their campaigns, or even how many people they had to "stiff" along the way, once these candidates actually achieve their goal of getting elected, they become what is known as our "ruling class". You know, the people you hated in High School because they were so much smarter than you! The people who are SO much smarter than any of the rest of us that we would surely perish in just a matter of days without their guidance. Of course I can't speak for YOU, but I know I'M thankful to have a better class of people constantly advising me and trying to control the way I live! Heck! If not for Michelle Obama's constant preaching about eating plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables, and boiled gravel, I'd probably still be eating "Hot @ Spicy" pork rinds and drinking "red" beer on Sunday mornings when I write this blog, but since I've been educated recently on the health benefits of a "balanced diet", I was able to see the folly of my way, and have also added a slab of "beef-jerky" into the "mix". I really don't intend to write an entire story this morning praising Michelle Obama or her husband, even though those who know me the best certainly know that I have TONS of praise for both of them, but today I would like to extend my praise to some of our "other" political leaders as well, most of whom are members of the "Democratic" party, but not all. Let's just start by giving a "thumbs-up" to good old "Slick Willy", or, if YOU'RE a Democrat, you may remember him as "Bill Clinton", but in any case, if not for leadership like his, middle-aged men like myself all over the country would STILL, to this very day, be under the impression that cigars were only to be used for smoking, chewing, and lighting firecrackers! Many of us wouldn't even know how to DEFINE sex either, much less participate in it, if not for Bill's "ruling-class" attitude! I think another good example of true leadership is probably Democrat representative Anthony Wiener, who, in an apparent attempt to put jobless Americans back to work in the "underwear" industry, gallantly sacrificed his OWN body in a recent advertisement for "Fruit of the loom", even though he was far too humble to accept the credit for it when asked by news anchors! Arnold Schwarzenegger, (RINO), was so worried about the state of California's declining number of jobs in the "agricultural industry" that he "took a stand" on the issue and began "planting seed" in areas where many people thought nothing would grow, such as his housekeeper. Look at John Edwards, the Democratic Presidential "hopeful" from the last election, who, despite knowing that his wife of countless years and dedication to him was dying of cancer, STILL found a way to use his campaign donations to fund an extra-marital affair and have a baby with one of his own campaign managers, displaying the "Never give up" state of mind that almost all Democrats and welfare recipients share. If this isn't enough, you can always just take a gander at Democrat Nancy Pelosi! I'd take a look myself, but I was thinking about eating lunch soon and don't want to kill my appetite. In any case, it's important to remember that we Americans choose our own leaders, and it's also important to remember that we choose them to SERVE us, not to tell us how we should live. Especially by their standards! If they have any. I think we should choose wisely, and make an honest attempt to actually KNOW exactly what the candidate's intentions really are, if that's even possible. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to have lunch with my wife. Maybe afterwards we'll have a cigar, but who knows? May the Good Lord Bless and Keep YOU, until we meet again, which should be about next Sunday. At least by MY math. Have a great week Friends! And remember that "Mitt's" and "Newt's" are things that your mother used to pick out of your hair when you were little, and NOT something to be "voted" for! God Bless!

A "Decoration Day" tribute, to those who know no better!

I guess that the first thing we need to establish here is the fact that I'm very stubborn, and really not all that "keen" to change, which I'm sure would come as no great surprise to those who know me the best, but seriously, I wish that "Memorial Day" would go back to being just plain old "Decoration Day", like it was when I was a kid, wherein we had to dodge direct assaults from man-eating dinosaurs on our way to school each morning, not to mention walking uphill five miles (both ways) through snow-drifts approximately thirty-seven feet deep. Wait a minute! Don't yell at me yet! I AM a Veteran, as was my family before me and the family that I actually helped to bring into this world! I'm proud of all of it, and I'm proud that all of you take the time to recognize the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines who have given the "Ultimate" sacrifice (their lives), in order to keep you safe and in a position to "delete" me when I say things that you don't agree with. My point is that "Decoration Day" is a time to honor ALL of our fallen heroes, whether they had ever served in the military or not! Every single one of you have heroes in your life that have little or no association with the military, and today is the time to honor THEM for the many contributions that they made in YOUR life! Seriously! If you have a set of grand-parents, or perhaps a great uncle "Lou", who not only fed you very well when you came to visit, but also gave you advice on matters of "life", such as teaching you exactly which fishing lures would work the best under the conditions you were facing at the time, or even proving to you the exact capabilities of a U.S. Army "Jeep", you probably have a grave to honor! Personally, I didn't have a great uncle named "Lou", at least to my knowledge, but I DID have an uncle Laverne, (yes, a Veteran), and an aunt Iris. I also had an uncle Richard, ( also a Veteran), and an aunt Mabel. I remember as well my grandma Delimont, who took the time to read the Bible to me every time we got together, and as my way of giving her assurance that I was a believer, I would glue popsicle sticks into a configuration that would at least vaguely resemble a "Cross". I never knew my "grandpa" Delimont, as he died at a very early age, even when my dad was still very young, but I know that he too was a "Veteran". Dad went on to start his own business. Talk about heroes! My late grandpa "Guy" Burgess and his wife , (my grandma) Irma, were also "heroes" to me, what with their "common sense" attitudes about life in general. I would like to think that at least part of the reason I'm such a "bull-headed prick" is because of the standards my grandpa Guy instilled in me when I was very young! Hero? YES! The point I'm trying to make is that "Memorial Day", otherwise known as "Decoration Day", has little to do with us Veterans. Granted, the larger majority of us did not give our lives for our country, else we wouldn't be able to post messages on facebook, but we have our OWN day, wherein we drink way too much beer and remember the "fallen"! It's called "Veterans Day. It used to be called "Armistice Day", and it occurs each year on November 11th! We use this day as a chance to "vent " our feelings and drink large quantities of alcoholic beverages. We like it this way. This is "Our" day. Now give the good people who actually raised us their day back! Happy Decoration Day, my Friends!

Your "May-Day" News!

In an attempt to keep the few of my readers "up to date" on the happenings not only in our country, but in some cases the rest of the world, I've taken the time to list some of the "lesser-known" (and mainly just political) news items that don't always get fair coverage from the media. Bear in mind that in order to be "fair" to anybody I may write about, it's important to realize that I have done no actual "research" on these news items, and there's a fair chance that I'll just make some of it up as I go. In any case, let's get started!
May 1: After nearly a decade of searching for the elusive terrorist Osama Bin Laden, members of our armed forces shot and killed the evil terrorist at his hideout in Pakistan. U.S. President Barrack Hussein Obama was quick to take the credit for giving the "go ahead" order to the Navy Seal Team Six, but later admitted that he thought he was only ordering more "nails" for the barn he was building in "Farmville".
May 2: Billionaire business mogul Donald Trump announces that he will NOT be running for President in the 2012 election after all, stating that between his television career, business career, and combing his hair, there would be scant time left over to run an entire country.
May 3: Republican Mitt (yes "Mitt") Romney threw his "hat" into the ring of Presidential candidates, despite the fact that tens of thousands of on-lookers repeatedly caught it and threw it back out.
May 13: In an 'impromptu' meeting at the White house, Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu attempted to "school" Barrack Obama on matters of security which are faced by Israel on a daily basis, and why they simply couldn't allow their terrorist neighbors to "move in" with them. With this not being what President Obama wanted to hear, He quickly placed his hand over his chin and resumed watching the Chicago "Bulls" basketball game.
May 21: Pastor Harold Camping, a retired civil engineer predicted that the "Rapture" would take place by six o'clock this evening, no matter which time zone you happened to live in, it would still be six o'clock. Later, on this same evening, when people started to notice that many of them were actually still alive, Harold, taken aback by his poor mathematical skills, was unavailable for comment, other than the standard "Wait till next year, you young whippersnappers"! It's widely believed that if Harold lives long enough, he'll get it right someday.
May 22: A huge tornado rips it's way through Joplin Missouri, killing at least 139 people and destroying a large percentage of the city itself. May the Good Lord be with you, Joplin!
May 25: President Obama, in the midst of a European "tour", takes the time to trace his entire family history, coming up with the story that his "great-great-great-grandfather" was a "shoe-maker" in Ireland, and NOT a "community-organizer". The rest of the world stands in awe of the fact that he discovered all of this after two days of drinking "Guiness" beer, but still took more than two years to produce an actual birth-certificate of himself, which is still questionable.
May 29: That's right! Today! The television news show "Good Morning America", though I didn't get in on ALL of it, describes a group of parents that refuse to reveal the actual "sexual gender" of their newborn babies, and refuse to even tell the young child whether it is a "he" or a "she"! "This is something that the child will have to figure out on it's own", says one of these concerned parents, "we don't want to confuse the child, but rather let him or her choose what they really WANT to be"! I think this alone is a "grand" idea, and I'm glad we have "enlightened" parents such as these running around out there, sometimes even in the daytime! It actually serves a "two-fold" purpose when you really think about it, as it not only "confuses" the small children, but pretty much takes away from them any chance of a "normal" life that they may have had otherwise! I promise you that I didn't make this up! How far to we have to descend before we take a stand? Will we wait until it's too late, or is it too late already? Our children aren't even "taught" in schools anymore, they're "indoctrinated" into believing the very things that YOU don't even believe in! I better go now due to "pissy" issues, but remember friends, see the world as it really is rather than what others want you to see! If it swims, walks, and "quacks" like a duck, there's a good chance that it isn't a dog! Have a great weekend friends, and remember those who have helped you! Have a great Memorial Day!

"The Rapture, the Jew, and a black man"!

So I'm sitting here this Sunday morning, which is the day after the previously scheduled "Rapture", with no doubt the same burning questions running through my mind as everybody else who was apparently "left behind", the main question being of course: "I wonder if the company that makes Barrack O'Bama "action figures" will make one of him sitting down with his hand over his chin while Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is handing his ass back to him after their "Peace talks" earlier this week"? Of course I also wonder what Harold Camping will say to his followers in church this morning, what with having a dismal 0-2 record on Rapture predictions, and why it always seems that these things almost ALWAYS originate from California, but maybe that's just me. To be fair, I should mention here that EVERY state has it's share of "loons", and at least Harold's flock of worshippers do NOT organize "protests" at fallen military hero's funerals, at least to my knowledge. But let's get back to the "heart" of today's story, which is, of course, O'Bama! I found it to be very strange when Netanyahu showed no signs that led me to believe He even WANTED our President's opinion on what Israel should do with her own borders! What an outrage! Oh sure, Netanyahu was mildly concerned about being able to actually "defend" Israel, but for gosh sakes, He was sitting right there beside a Nobel Peace Prize winning President, so surely He could have given him the respect he deserved! I mean heck, O'Bama is a peace promoting President if I have ever seen one! Just look at all the peace he is promoting in the many countries that are near Israel! One would think that the state of Israel would want the same "warm and fuzzy" feelings of security that it's neighbors are already experiencing! Maybe, after being "snubbed" by "Ben", O'Bama will call for new leadership in Israel, and ask Ben to step down, for the good of his people? Maybe O'Bama knows that the long-standing policy of the United States of America wherein we DO NOT negotiate with terrorists is simply an "out-dated" policy! You know, like that "Constitution" thingy that's constantly being thrown in his face by the Republicans! Maybe he's thinking that the best way to become friends and earn respect from terroristic nations is to simply give them whatever they ask for, such as nuclear weapons, tanks, airplanes, and land, but I don't know. I didn't go to Harvard! I DO know that if it were up to ME, I would let most all of Israels neighbors have all the nuclear missiles they wanted, and I would launch them from huge ships that have "United States Navy" embossed on the hulls, but again, that's just me. In short, I think that O'Bama's not being taken seriously enough by a vast amount of other nations around the globe. Maybe few of them realize that he had been a "community-organizer" before moving up the ladder to the next rung, which is the Presidency. I'll bet you that if we would only airlift O'Bama into the heart of the troublesome areas in the mid-east, he would have them organized and whipped into shape in practically NO time, and then Netanyahu would have "egg" on his face, same as Harold Camping! O'Bama could take his entire staff and family with him and promote peace all day long, while his wife and staff members informed the nomads of the various health benefits achieved by going on a strict diet of rice and dung beetles. I think we should try it! Just knowing that a plane load of looney liberals was going to defect to the mid-east would immediately spark many feelings of happiness and relief! At least here in the United States. Have a great week Friends, and I promise to quit picking on O'Bama as soon as he reaches maturity, but it may be a while yet. "See" You next Sunday!