"Bad to the bone"?

Sometimes I think that both my wife and I are going through some sort of "mid-life" crisis, wherein we grow tired of the same old routine of just going to work everyday and then going to bed each night after the news is over. As exciting as that may sound to some, it just "isn't enough" for some of your "higher-geared" couples, like me and my wife Kristy, so this weekend we decided to officially become members of the "bikers" community and pooled our money together to buy our first "Hog"! Well, actually, it's not so much a hog as it is a fifty cc Yamaha moped "scooter", but I think it commands about the same amount of respect as a Harley does, judging from the way people look at us when we ride by. I realize that being a "biker" carries a certain amount of personal responsibility with it, and as a way of proving to the rest of the populace in Ellis that we are indeed "mature" enough to own a moped, we are putting ourselves through a fairly rigid "school" on the basic rules of the road. Even so, I have a lot of questions that have been overlooked entirely by the people of the Yamaha corporation when they printed the users manual for our particular scooter. For instance, how many tattoos are we required to have for a bike of this size? Do the tattoos need to be highly visible, or can some of them be hidden? Is it really required that my good wife "flashes" her breasts to oncoming motorists and truck drivers, or shall I tell her to stop it immediately? When we take our first road trip to some biker "rally" place, such as Sturgis, will the other bikers slow down to the maximum 30 mph that OUR bike can achieve, or will we be "cut from the herd" and forced to travel alone? Will we need to buy leather jackets and chaps, and special boots, or will we look "tough enough" in shorts and flip-flops? What about Sarah Palin? I'm a huge fan of hers, but I wonder if she'd let us ride with her on her next "tour"? I also wonder if the local law enforcement will start "casing" our home, keeping a suspicious eye on us at all times, and keeping tabs on all of our visitors, now that we're "bikers"? Will we be able to join an actual bikers group, such as "Hell's Angels", or the "Shriners", or is there some sort of rigorous test we would have to pass in order to qualify? If you ask me, there are a lot of things that should be covered in our manual that are far more important than the "simpleton" things they mention, such as where to put the gas in, and how to activate the turn signals and brakes, but maybe that's just me. In any case, Happy Fathers Day to all you guys out there who either are a father, have a father, or for some reason just don't know yet! And to all of my new biker friends, keep the bugs in your teeth and the wind blowing through the area where your hair once was! Also "Peace out Bro"! At least I THINK that's a "Biker" term. Happy Fathers Day, and if you STILL have nothing better to do, I'll be back next Sunday morning! Have a great week, and God Bless YOU and yours!