I understand that there's a fairly good number of people here in the United States that would love nothing more than to just be able to quit working altogether, and instead be paid handsomely by the U.S. government, whether it be 'via' a public sector "union", or starting a brand new "career" as an elected official. Whatever you choose, I'm here to help you most every Sunday morning by "keeping you informed" on the various tactics and actions that you will need to perform in order to secure your own "government position", and it don't cost you anything! That's just the kind of guy I am! To begin, let's just assume that you're running for one of the "smaller" political offices that are widely available, such as a "Senator", "House Representative", "Governor", "Lieutenant Governor", "Mistress of Lieutenant Governor", or "Illegal immigrant worker who routinely gets his "tool" wet with the lieutenant governors real wife when the L.G. goes on "business" trips with his mistress". The first thing you need to do to ensure that the people who you want to vote for you actually DO vote for you, is to deny any involvement whatsoever with organizations that are "uncool", such as the "Republican Party", "T.E.A. Party", "Beer Party", and basically anything else that may make you look like a "Conservative" or "Christian"! Why? The simple answer is that nobody cares about these kind of things anymore,* and if YOU continue to harbor "out-dated" beliefs based on the fact that the people who voted you "in" actually expect you to represent them in a "good" way, you're not gonna "make it"! Face it! The ONLY way you'll ever make it in "politics" is to run as a "Liberal Democrat", so I suggest that you do that immediately! Also, it would help to have a few "sex scandals" on your resume, so if you don't currently have any, or are otherwise not inclined to cheat on your particular "spouse", I suggest that you either "rent" one, or just make one up from "scratch". "Sex-ting" is another sure-fire, time-tested way to earn the votes of people who have I.Q. scores in the negative numbers, so if you do not currently own a cell phone capable of taking pictures of your "private parts", I suggest that you get one immediately, and if you happen to be a female, let me know and I'll give you an e-mail address to a "secure" place where you can send your pictures to, but ONLY if you want my vote! I tend to take these matters "seriously"! If in fact you actually DO get elected, you will have to understand that a certain type of behavior will be expected from you, now that you're a "public figure"! The general "public" apparently no longer cares* about such trivial things as "job performance", but is now enlightened enough to actually believe that our elected officials are more like "movie stars", so rather than be a "boring", "stick to the issues" type of public servant, you should probably "shake things up" a little, maybe by selling a Senate seat, or drowning a mistress in a lake! Sorry, but the "Giant Swimming Rabbit" story has already been taken. Also, it is widely believed that George "Herbert Walker" Bush did not get reelected for a second term mainly due to the lack of a "sex scandal", as well as the fact that he had enough names for at least two people. You should also have a "state-of-the-art" computer in your actual government office, chock full of video games as well as the ability to get huge amounts of internet "porn", because now that you're employed by the United States government, you'll be spending several hours each week at "work", and you're going to need something to do! If the stresses of working for the "people" start to wear on you, feel free to take advantage of at least one of the many government "exercise" facilities, which should not only give you the chance to "unwind", but also give you the opportunity to take naked pictures of yourself with your cell phone, and send them to young girls in the northeast who may be currently struggling with trying to figure out the "metric" system anyway, what with all the conversions from "centimeters" to "inches". Well, that's all the time I have for today, but I sincerely hope that YOU, the potential candidate, may have inadvertently learned that you have no business running for any kind of "office" in the first place, unless of course you are willing to give up on all the morals, beliefs, and standard codes of conduct that your parents instilled in you in the first place! As for myself, I'm still planning on running for the office of "Beer can picker-upper" in Ellis, and in order to keep my "dream" alive, I'm afraid that I must post this naked picture of my "private parts" right now on my blog, so here it is, in the parenthesis (:-). Well, you have to keep in mind that this is an "aerial" view, and even though the picture is depicted in "actual size", the "point" is still the same, by which I mean that if you approve of this, you shouldn't be voting anyway! Have a great week Friends! And remember that GOD Loves You! Also, you shouldn't let "quality" pictures such as this fall into the wrong hands over the internet, so choose your friends wisely!
* Except me!
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