A "Decoration Day" tribute, to those who know no better!

I guess that the first thing we need to establish here is the fact that I'm very stubborn, and really not all that "keen" to change, which I'm sure would come as no great surprise to those who know me the best, but seriously, I wish that "Memorial Day" would go back to being just plain old "Decoration Day", like it was when I was a kid, wherein we had to dodge direct assaults from man-eating dinosaurs on our way to school each morning, not to mention walking uphill five miles (both ways) through snow-drifts approximately thirty-seven feet deep. Wait a minute! Don't yell at me yet! I AM a Veteran, as was my family before me and the family that I actually helped to bring into this world! I'm proud of all of it, and I'm proud that all of you take the time to recognize the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines who have given the "Ultimate" sacrifice (their lives), in order to keep you safe and in a position to "delete" me when I say things that you don't agree with. My point is that "Decoration Day" is a time to honor ALL of our fallen heroes, whether they had ever served in the military or not! Every single one of you have heroes in your life that have little or no association with the military, and today is the time to honor THEM for the many contributions that they made in YOUR life! Seriously! If you have a set of grand-parents, or perhaps a great uncle "Lou", who not only fed you very well when you came to visit, but also gave you advice on matters of "life", such as teaching you exactly which fishing lures would work the best under the conditions you were facing at the time, or even proving to you the exact capabilities of a U.S. Army "Jeep", you probably have a grave to honor! Personally, I didn't have a great uncle named "Lou", at least to my knowledge, but I DID have an uncle Laverne, (yes, a Veteran), and an aunt Iris. I also had an uncle Richard, ( also a Veteran), and an aunt Mabel. I remember as well my grandma Delimont, who took the time to read the Bible to me every time we got together, and as my way of giving her assurance that I was a believer, I would glue popsicle sticks into a configuration that would at least vaguely resemble a "Cross". I never knew my "grandpa" Delimont, as he died at a very early age, even when my dad was still very young, but I know that he too was a "Veteran". Dad went on to start his own business. Talk about heroes! My late grandpa "Guy" Burgess and his wife , (my grandma) Irma, were also "heroes" to me, what with their "common sense" attitudes about life in general. I would like to think that at least part of the reason I'm such a "bull-headed prick" is because of the standards my grandpa Guy instilled in me when I was very young! Hero? YES! The point I'm trying to make is that "Memorial Day", otherwise known as "Decoration Day", has little to do with us Veterans. Granted, the larger majority of us did not give our lives for our country, else we wouldn't be able to post messages on facebook, but we have our OWN day, wherein we drink way too much beer and remember the "fallen"! It's called "Veterans Day. It used to be called "Armistice Day", and it occurs each year on November 11th! We use this day as a chance to "vent " our feelings and drink large quantities of alcoholic beverages. We like it this way. This is "Our" day. Now give the good people who actually raised us their day back! Happy Decoration Day, my Friends!

Your "May-Day" News!

In an attempt to keep the few of my readers "up to date" on the happenings not only in our country, but in some cases the rest of the world, I've taken the time to list some of the "lesser-known" (and mainly just political) news items that don't always get fair coverage from the media. Bear in mind that in order to be "fair" to anybody I may write about, it's important to realize that I have done no actual "research" on these news items, and there's a fair chance that I'll just make some of it up as I go. In any case, let's get started!
May 1: After nearly a decade of searching for the elusive terrorist Osama Bin Laden, members of our armed forces shot and killed the evil terrorist at his hideout in Pakistan. U.S. President Barrack Hussein Obama was quick to take the credit for giving the "go ahead" order to the Navy Seal Team Six, but later admitted that he thought he was only ordering more "nails" for the barn he was building in "Farmville".
May 2: Billionaire business mogul Donald Trump announces that he will NOT be running for President in the 2012 election after all, stating that between his television career, business career, and combing his hair, there would be scant time left over to run an entire country.
May 3: Republican Mitt (yes "Mitt") Romney threw his "hat" into the ring of Presidential candidates, despite the fact that tens of thousands of on-lookers repeatedly caught it and threw it back out.
May 13: In an 'impromptu' meeting at the White house, Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu attempted to "school" Barrack Obama on matters of security which are faced by Israel on a daily basis, and why they simply couldn't allow their terrorist neighbors to "move in" with them. With this not being what President Obama wanted to hear, He quickly placed his hand over his chin and resumed watching the Chicago "Bulls" basketball game.
May 21: Pastor Harold Camping, a retired civil engineer predicted that the "Rapture" would take place by six o'clock this evening, no matter which time zone you happened to live in, it would still be six o'clock. Later, on this same evening, when people started to notice that many of them were actually still alive, Harold, taken aback by his poor mathematical skills, was unavailable for comment, other than the standard "Wait till next year, you young whippersnappers"! It's widely believed that if Harold lives long enough, he'll get it right someday.
May 22: A huge tornado rips it's way through Joplin Missouri, killing at least 139 people and destroying a large percentage of the city itself. May the Good Lord be with you, Joplin!
May 25: President Obama, in the midst of a European "tour", takes the time to trace his entire family history, coming up with the story that his "great-great-great-grandfather" was a "shoe-maker" in Ireland, and NOT a "community-organizer". The rest of the world stands in awe of the fact that he discovered all of this after two days of drinking "Guiness" beer, but still took more than two years to produce an actual birth-certificate of himself, which is still questionable.
May 29: That's right! Today! The television news show "Good Morning America", though I didn't get in on ALL of it, describes a group of parents that refuse to reveal the actual "sexual gender" of their newborn babies, and refuse to even tell the young child whether it is a "he" or a "she"! "This is something that the child will have to figure out on it's own", says one of these concerned parents, "we don't want to confuse the child, but rather let him or her choose what they really WANT to be"! I think this alone is a "grand" idea, and I'm glad we have "enlightened" parents such as these running around out there, sometimes even in the daytime! It actually serves a "two-fold" purpose when you really think about it, as it not only "confuses" the small children, but pretty much takes away from them any chance of a "normal" life that they may have had otherwise! I promise you that I didn't make this up! How far to we have to descend before we take a stand? Will we wait until it's too late, or is it too late already? Our children aren't even "taught" in schools anymore, they're "indoctrinated" into believing the very things that YOU don't even believe in! I better go now due to "pissy" issues, but remember friends, see the world as it really is rather than what others want you to see! If it swims, walks, and "quacks" like a duck, there's a good chance that it isn't a dog! Have a great weekend friends, and remember those who have helped you! Have a great Memorial Day!

"The Rapture, the Jew, and a black man"!

So I'm sitting here this Sunday morning, which is the day after the previously scheduled "Rapture", with no doubt the same burning questions running through my mind as everybody else who was apparently "left behind", the main question being of course: "I wonder if the company that makes Barrack O'Bama "action figures" will make one of him sitting down with his hand over his chin while Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is handing his ass back to him after their "Peace talks" earlier this week"? Of course I also wonder what Harold Camping will say to his followers in church this morning, what with having a dismal 0-2 record on Rapture predictions, and why it always seems that these things almost ALWAYS originate from California, but maybe that's just me. To be fair, I should mention here that EVERY state has it's share of "loons", and at least Harold's flock of worshippers do NOT organize "protests" at fallen military hero's funerals, at least to my knowledge. But let's get back to the "heart" of today's story, which is, of course, O'Bama! I found it to be very strange when Netanyahu showed no signs that led me to believe He even WANTED our President's opinion on what Israel should do with her own borders! What an outrage! Oh sure, Netanyahu was mildly concerned about being able to actually "defend" Israel, but for gosh sakes, He was sitting right there beside a Nobel Peace Prize winning President, so surely He could have given him the respect he deserved! I mean heck, O'Bama is a peace promoting President if I have ever seen one! Just look at all the peace he is promoting in the many countries that are near Israel! One would think that the state of Israel would want the same "warm and fuzzy" feelings of security that it's neighbors are already experiencing! Maybe, after being "snubbed" by "Ben", O'Bama will call for new leadership in Israel, and ask Ben to step down, for the good of his people? Maybe O'Bama knows that the long-standing policy of the United States of America wherein we DO NOT negotiate with terrorists is simply an "out-dated" policy! You know, like that "Constitution" thingy that's constantly being thrown in his face by the Republicans! Maybe he's thinking that the best way to become friends and earn respect from terroristic nations is to simply give them whatever they ask for, such as nuclear weapons, tanks, airplanes, and land, but I don't know. I didn't go to Harvard! I DO know that if it were up to ME, I would let most all of Israels neighbors have all the nuclear missiles they wanted, and I would launch them from huge ships that have "United States Navy" embossed on the hulls, but again, that's just me. In short, I think that O'Bama's not being taken seriously enough by a vast amount of other nations around the globe. Maybe few of them realize that he had been a "community-organizer" before moving up the ladder to the next rung, which is the Presidency. I'll bet you that if we would only airlift O'Bama into the heart of the troublesome areas in the mid-east, he would have them organized and whipped into shape in practically NO time, and then Netanyahu would have "egg" on his face, same as Harold Camping! O'Bama could take his entire staff and family with him and promote peace all day long, while his wife and staff members informed the nomads of the various health benefits achieved by going on a strict diet of rice and dung beetles. I think we should try it! Just knowing that a plane load of looney liberals was going to defect to the mid-east would immediately spark many feelings of happiness and relief! At least here in the United States. Have a great week Friends, and I promise to quit picking on O'Bama as soon as he reaches maturity, but it may be a while yet. "See" You next Sunday!

"I'll have the WELFARE, with the fries and a coke"!

I guess I just don't get it. How can we have such a large number of people on "Unemployment" and "welfare" programs when the newspapers are chock full of "help-wanted" ads? Is it simply because newspapers are somewhat out-dated, and nobody reads them anymore, thereby keeping the "ambitious and energetic" job seekers clueless as to where they could find steady employment, or is it something else? If I remember right, in National Lampoon's "Vacation" series of movies, "cousin Eddie" was always unemployed, but they did explain that he was holding out for a "management" position. Maybe that's what everybody else is doing too! Or, maybe the companies that actually HAVE job openings should start advertising for them in places where they would be sure to be seen, such as "Facebook", or on the bulletin board at the local liquor store, or maybe even out at the local golf course! I suppose that there could be an "off-chance" that a "handful" of these people really don't want to work (neither do I, but I do), but I'm sure that the overwhelming majority of them do, even though if they knew you were going to actually offer them a job you couldn't catch them to MAKE your offer if you were riding a motorcycle! Meanwhile, the rest of us have to go on working, and ultimately pulling much more than just our own weight! It reminds me of the story of "The Ant and the Grasshopper", which is one of those stories with "morals" that were frequently being spewed out of the mouths of the "older" generation when I was a kid, but has apparently changed somewhat since then. You remember, the hard-working and industrious ant worked hard all summer long in front of "Burger King", picking up scraps of leftover whoppers and french fries until he had a pile of food the size of a mini-van in his nest, whereas his lazy friend, the grasshopper, basically frittered HIS summer away by smoking marijuana and down-loading porn off the internet. When winter came, the grasshopper used the naked pictures of the various movie stars from his computer to buy all the food from the ant, who eventually starved to death, and his body was found in his nest surrounded by the pornographic images he had gotten from the lazy grasshopper, which, after an intense investigation, turned out to belong to a "union"! Or something like that. Sometimes I get confused. Of course the "moral" of this story is that everybody should work hard, that way they could own their own computer and download their own pornography, rather than deleting their food supply by way of "shady" deals with grasshoppers! To be fair, I'm sure that there is a large number of unemployed persons out there who really WOULD like to work, but just not very hard! In your case, I would suggest some type of "Government", or even "Union" job, which would not only increase your odds of never having to do much, but would couple them with having an unfair advantage over the regular "schmucks" like me, who are trying to "eek" out a living in the "private" sector, where the rules are very much different. Another good thing about "Unions", is that after a few short years of "working" at a higher pay rate than the "schmucks", you get what is called "tenure", which basically means that if you're say, a "unionized" nurse, you are basically free to send text messages to your friend "Tyrone (the "Rod") Smith" smack in the middle of assisting a doctor during an open heart surgery, with little threat of getting any type of punishment. In ANY case, doing very little is loads better than doing absolutely NOTHING, and it would help the rest of us out a whole bunch if everybody that isn't retired or physically unable to work would just go ahead and do it! Who knows? It may even help our great Country, so why don't we TRY it! The way I figure, the United States of America's "welfare" program is probably the greatest "Humanitarian" program in the world, and was meant to be for those who were truly in need! It's too damn bad that people are abusing it now right up to the point that it will no longer be there for the folks in future generations! If you're on welfare and truly need it, then you're welcome to it, and God Bless you, but if you are on it and DON"T deserve it, then shame on you for helping O'Bama turn our country into a nation full of dependent people who have no desire to fend for themselves! Trust me! This Country was not built on dependence of anybody else, but from our independence and ability to "pull our own"! YOU are NOT a "special" case, and the world does NOT revolve around YOU, so get your ass to work and stop sucking up all the freedoms that I work for! Have a great week Friends, and may The Good Lord Bless You! And if this particular "blog" offended you, you should call my editor. The number is BR549, and his name is "Junior"! Like you people my age didn't know that. "See" you all next Sunday!

"Diversity"? No thanks! I gave at the office!"

So I finally got around to going to church with my wife this morning, even though I had promised to on Easter Sunday but was granted a last minute reprieve by a grandson that had to be home at a time which was in direct conflict with the beginning of services. I admit that I learned quite a bit, but mostly only about myself, such as that I'm not really the kind of guy who really appreciates a lot of diversity. Truthfully, I haven't been to church in about four years. We were living in the great state of Nebraska at the time and started attending a Christian church with our elderly neighbors, George and Phyllis Engle, and it was pretty much the same way that I remember church from when I was a kid, wherein everybody would put on their Sunday best clothes and a somber look while hoping to be forgiven for whatever sins they had committed since the prior Sunday. It's not that it was particularly "fun", but it was in fact, "church", in the very manner most people my age expect it to be. I guess it just ain't that way anymore, judging from the experience I had this morning at what I still haven't decided for sure if it was indeed a gathering of "believers" in Christ, or simply a small band of sixties-style "hippies" who were intent on getting a spot on "American Idol" in the not too distant future. I say this primarily because at least one half of the service consisted of listening to a "rock" band, and even though the music WAS at least "religion-based", it was extremely LOUD! Okay! I KNOW that I'm "old-fashioned", but that is partly due to the fact that I am "old", and our prior churches tended to only use organs and pianos for musical instruments, and rarely ever had choir members wearing "flip-flops" and shorts playing the electric guitar or drums, some of which, I might add, were bobbing their heads to the tune of the music in the manner one would expect to see from a person wearing contact lenses that had apparently burst into flames unexpectedly, and they were trying to make them fall out. During the "music", the lead band singer informed us that we were free to take communion if we wished, and that we were also free to sing along with the words provided on the teleprompter, while sitting or standing, because the very most important part is that we can all "worship in our own way"! I thought that this would be a great time to inform him that I normally like to do my Sunday worshiping at home, with a frosty red beer while writing my Sunday blog, but my good wife thought it to be best if I said nothing at all, so I remained mute. My wife is "funny" that way. I have to admit that when the actual "preacher" came out and started "preaching", he was borderline "awesome", on account of he put everything into "lay-man's" terms, which means that even I could understand them, because frankly, many of the "Ten Commandments" previously appeared to have very "vague" meanings to me before, but now that I've been "schooled" by the pastor, I now know that "Thou Shalt Not Kill" means exactly what it says, and I promise to never do it again, short of going hunting, fishing, or being called back into the Army, and truthfully, I don't even HAVE a neighbors wife that I would want to "covet", because I'm pretty sure that I've already married the only woman who would put up with me! I guess I just don't understand how "Religion" can change so much, or even how I'm not contacted when these changes take place. Does JESUS really send out up-dates to the Holy Bible to almost everyone but me, and if so, why? Sometimes, in my "weaker" moments, I get the "hunch" that maybe the commandments and rules for living that are prevalent in the Bible just keep changing, and in a way that would serve no other purpose than to put more money into the hands of ministers who will carry them out, but that's just me! I know, I need to learn to be more "diverse", but it's really tough to do, even though I started doing it on Saturday night, by taking my good wife out for supper at "Carlos-O-Kelly's" for a Mexican meal, prepared by Chinese youngsters, delivered to our table by African-American kids! Keep your "diversity" my friends, and just let me be. I'll pay my OWN way, and by the way, Happy Mothers Day! On occasion, I get a tad "out of hand", but know that I love You! Also, I won't EVER change the rules! Happy Mothers Day!