"I'll have the WELFARE, with the fries and a coke"!

I guess I just don't get it. How can we have such a large number of people on "Unemployment" and "welfare" programs when the newspapers are chock full of "help-wanted" ads? Is it simply because newspapers are somewhat out-dated, and nobody reads them anymore, thereby keeping the "ambitious and energetic" job seekers clueless as to where they could find steady employment, or is it something else? If I remember right, in National Lampoon's "Vacation" series of movies, "cousin Eddie" was always unemployed, but they did explain that he was holding out for a "management" position. Maybe that's what everybody else is doing too! Or, maybe the companies that actually HAVE job openings should start advertising for them in places where they would be sure to be seen, such as "Facebook", or on the bulletin board at the local liquor store, or maybe even out at the local golf course! I suppose that there could be an "off-chance" that a "handful" of these people really don't want to work (neither do I, but I do), but I'm sure that the overwhelming majority of them do, even though if they knew you were going to actually offer them a job you couldn't catch them to MAKE your offer if you were riding a motorcycle! Meanwhile, the rest of us have to go on working, and ultimately pulling much more than just our own weight! It reminds me of the story of "The Ant and the Grasshopper", which is one of those stories with "morals" that were frequently being spewed out of the mouths of the "older" generation when I was a kid, but has apparently changed somewhat since then. You remember, the hard-working and industrious ant worked hard all summer long in front of "Burger King", picking up scraps of leftover whoppers and french fries until he had a pile of food the size of a mini-van in his nest, whereas his lazy friend, the grasshopper, basically frittered HIS summer away by smoking marijuana and down-loading porn off the internet. When winter came, the grasshopper used the naked pictures of the various movie stars from his computer to buy all the food from the ant, who eventually starved to death, and his body was found in his nest surrounded by the pornographic images he had gotten from the lazy grasshopper, which, after an intense investigation, turned out to belong to a "union"! Or something like that. Sometimes I get confused. Of course the "moral" of this story is that everybody should work hard, that way they could own their own computer and download their own pornography, rather than deleting their food supply by way of "shady" deals with grasshoppers! To be fair, I'm sure that there is a large number of unemployed persons out there who really WOULD like to work, but just not very hard! In your case, I would suggest some type of "Government", or even "Union" job, which would not only increase your odds of never having to do much, but would couple them with having an unfair advantage over the regular "schmucks" like me, who are trying to "eek" out a living in the "private" sector, where the rules are very much different. Another good thing about "Unions", is that after a few short years of "working" at a higher pay rate than the "schmucks", you get what is called "tenure", which basically means that if you're say, a "unionized" nurse, you are basically free to send text messages to your friend "Tyrone (the "Rod") Smith" smack in the middle of assisting a doctor during an open heart surgery, with little threat of getting any type of punishment. In ANY case, doing very little is loads better than doing absolutely NOTHING, and it would help the rest of us out a whole bunch if everybody that isn't retired or physically unable to work would just go ahead and do it! Who knows? It may even help our great Country, so why don't we TRY it! The way I figure, the United States of America's "welfare" program is probably the greatest "Humanitarian" program in the world, and was meant to be for those who were truly in need! It's too damn bad that people are abusing it now right up to the point that it will no longer be there for the folks in future generations! If you're on welfare and truly need it, then you're welcome to it, and God Bless you, but if you are on it and DON"T deserve it, then shame on you for helping O'Bama turn our country into a nation full of dependent people who have no desire to fend for themselves! Trust me! This Country was not built on dependence of anybody else, but from our independence and ability to "pull our own"! YOU are NOT a "special" case, and the world does NOT revolve around YOU, so get your ass to work and stop sucking up all the freedoms that I work for! Have a great week Friends, and may The Good Lord Bless You! And if this particular "blog" offended you, you should call my editor. The number is BR549, and his name is "Junior"! Like you people my age didn't know that. "See" you all next Sunday!