Vote "Rany"! ( or just suffer!)

Once again, I've decided to run for the office of President of the United States of America, but only because I don't really have that much to do today. I realize that my chances of actually "winning" the Republican nomination would be "slim", at best, but I've taken the time to compile a list of reasons as to how I would get tons of votes from the "Liberal Democrats", who, it seems, always have a way of narrowing our selection of candidates through such means as "media coverage"! Face it! I've got every bit as much "popularity" as either Rand Paul or Herman Cain, but what I don't have is the necessary "funding" it takes to "run for office". I also lack the basic "common sense" that the Good Lord instilled in most other life forms, such as humans, household pets, and "free-range" rutabagas, but that shouldn't be an issue here. The way I figure, the average, "run-of-the-mill" American citizen no longer cares about the "little" things, such as whether or not they've elected a leader to represent them to the rest of the world who has an IQ score in the "positive" numbers. I think, based on recent television news, that the American voter is only interested in "honesty", and just about anything else that would make a great "News" story! Heck! I have literally "loads" of that kind of stuff! For instance, I tend to "look people in the eye" when I'm engaged in conversation with them, unless of course the person I happen to be talking to is "female", in which case I have to be entirely "honest" with you and admit that in nearly twenty years of being with my wife, there's not a chance in hell that I can tell you what color her eyes are. This happens a lot to me whenever I see ANY woman, especially in the "summer"! I'm guessing that it's an early sign of "Alzheimers" disease, or maybe "alcohol". But seriously, sometimes I don't fully recognize a woman in a "bikini" until I've "circled" the block at least three times. In many cases, I'm not even sure if the woman even HAS a "face", but that's probably just me. I think that admission alone should probably make me a "shoo-in" for the Republican nomination, at least if I were trying to get votes from the "other side", but if it's not enough, I also drink large quantities of "beer", which is a "liquid" type of refreshment that I believe Jesus himself gave us the recipe for, knowing that one day our wives would spend their time watching such things as "American Idol" on television. Also, as a "candidate" for the "Presidency", I would vow to do lot's of "really neat" things with tax-payer money, such as adding more "twine" to the world's largest ball of twine in Cawker City Kansas, and maybe even adding more corn to the "Corn Palace" in Mitchell, South Dakota. In any case, I figure that I can't lose. I figure that my personal "moral compass" needs a factory "reset", but in the meantime, if elected, I'll be able to keep YOU and your CHILDREN on the right "track", and that's what is ultimately important! Please vote "Rany" on your next election ballot! It won't do no good, but maybe it will fill you with the satisfaction of knowing that you voted for "honesty"! Have a great week Friends, and know that I NEED YOUR votes, on account of I'm tired of working for a living. It's OUR Country, and our dad's are very tired, so let's fix it by ourselves! GOD Bless! Also, I would like to add that if you're a "female", I have no idea whatsoever what you're eye-color is, even though I can probably tell you the exact "top" you were wearing when we met for the first time.