I don't want to scare anybody, but you need to be aware of the fact that large groups of space aliens from the planet Zork are slowly trying to kill us off by tampering with the Earth's "Gravitational Pull"! Don't laugh! This is TRUE! I started to notice this years ago, when I was just a kid, but didn't want to say anything! Now that I'm nearly 50, the change has become so radical that I feel SOMEBODY has to start some sort of "public-awareness" group, lest we all die horrible deaths because we're no longer able to defend ourselves! I'm guessing that the "Zorkians" must have somehow gained access to some type of "control room" somewhere, and probably started fooling around with a panel full of dials and toggle switches and what-not. All I know for sure, is that things which were fairly easy to lift when I was younger seem to be extremely "heavy" now, and this has to STOP!
If memory serves me right, in 1687, Sir Isaac Newton presented his theory of "Gravity, and how it affects Your Balance", to a "sold-out" crowd in the Roman Colosseum, but very few people were even paying attention by the time he got to the part about the evil Zorkians. In fact, most of the "younger" members of the audience were far too busy sending text messages to their friends to listen to ANY of it, and it's been "downhill" ever since then!
As for myself, I'm a "firm" believer in Mr. Newton's theory, but mostly because I'm very "alert", and am confronted occasionally by these problems firsthand. The most recent example would probably be just last night, when gravity and balance BOTH became a major issue to me after spending several hours watching college football and drinking beer. As the type of person that "notices" other people a lot, I've found that gravity can have seriously huge effects on our own personal "bodies" as well, making many of our stomachs appear to have some sort of "concern" as to what our feet are doing, judging by the way they hang around near that vicinity. Fortunately, after all these years, at least SOME of my own "body parts" have started to reject the whole "gravity" thing, and are actually rebelling against it by using the "shrinking" process, which I figure to be a GOOD thing, judging from my good wife's tears of joy when I get out of the shower.
I'm guessing that the best way to fight against gravity would be to inform the masses of the world that it's a "bad" thing, and maybe take some tax-payer money to write a book about it. After all, it works for the "kooks" on the left! It even worked for Albert Einstein, who came up with the whole "Theory of Relativity" thing, which stated, (if memory serves me right), that "Man Never Knows just how Many Relatives he has until He wins the Lottery, or Starts the Barbeque"!
Heck! Look at Al Gore! Al started a huge portion of the "free world" believing in such things as "green energy", and "global warming", leading to the end result of millions of Americans paying top dollar for such things as "windmills" that produce huge amounts of energy once you "plug them in" to an outlet found near a major coal-mining operation. "Al" also convinced millions of people that they should reduce their "carbon footprint" by driving "gas-guzzling" vehicles less, which I also believe is a "good" thing, ranking right up there with keeping the borders "open", so that foreigners driving gas guzzling cars can come to YOUR town and take YOUR job on account of YOUR inability to get to work on time because YOUR electric car can't be charged by the "windmills", which need the power of coal to keep them going in the first place.
In any case, I've decided to make millions of dollars from a book that I'll be releasing very soon, which is designed to not only SCARE you, but to give you a sort of "insider" look at just why I'm an idiot in the first place! Also, You should probably take a long look at Yourself, using some sort of "mirror" or other reflective device. YOU are the future of this great Country, and if you're buying books from the likes of Al Gore, you may as well be buying them from me.
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