Bob's and Blondes

After living in Ellis and working for a contractor out of Hays for the last ten months, I have made a few observations here that I've not noticed anywhere else, namely, that almost all of the females in Hays are blonde! Quite possibly the only thing that surprises me more is the fact that my spell-check function on this computer is telling me that blonde is spelled without the "e" on the end, in which case I will ignore it, as I am much older than this computer, and pretty much set in my ways. Getting back to the subject, almost every female I see, whether driving, riding a bike, running, walking, or ordering a batch of "chicken gizzards" at walmart is blonde. This doesn't upset me or anything. I like blondes. I even married a blonde, who, come to think about it, is from this area. I'm just baffled, I guess. Hays IS a college town, so perhaps there is some kind of federal mandate for schools that I'm not aware of, stating that most of ninety percent of female students must either be blonde, or dye their hair as such prior to the beginning of the first semester, as well as become a minimum thirty year full-time resident of Hays after graduation, while maintaining blonde hair and extremely good physical fitness programs. Don't get me wrong! There are a lot of beautiful dark and red-haired ladies here too, it's just that you don't see them out "power-walking" or jogging during the day. In an effort to cover the first part of the title to this column, I also notice that a very large number of the male population here is named Bob, which is a name that I believe went out of style shortly after World War 2. Nevertheless, almost everybody I meet on any job-site is named Bob. I even went to Dollar General after work today to get my dad a Father's Day card, (Sorry dad, it'll be late again unless I drive it up there myself, cause this is saturday), and the guy that waited on me at the checkstand had a tag on his shirt that stated "Hello, my name is Bob"! I personally believe that we have been invaded by alien beings from another galaxy, who have obviously gained information from our society by watching old television shows such as "Newhart" or the "Brady Bunch", which generally featured attractive blondes and guys named Bob. This also leaves me deeply concerned about the FOX news network, which has an abundance of blondes who couldn't possibly be as intelligent as they are if they were indeed human, and had grown up being that pretty. I say, that on the good chance that all Bob's and blondes are indeed beings from another planet, we should take action immediately and ban all "Bob's" from our society, making exceptions only to the ones we've known all of our lives. I also believe we should let the blondes go for a few more years, if only in the name of research, but that's just me.