"In-security testing, in layman's terms"

It seems that there is a lot of "in-security" in our world today. People are constantly worried about such matters as the economy, wars, job loss, immigration, and having to register as a "sex-offender" if they get caught taking a pee behind the dumpster in back of the local tavern. I believe, that if we're truly going to thrive as the greatest country in the history of our planet, we all need to settle down, and stop all this "needless" worrying about trivial matters. Maybe you're saying to yourself right now that you most definitely are not "skittish" about anything, and that you have about the same quantity of "raw nerve" displayed by a two thousand pound Brahma bull running a-muck in a Pygmy village. I've taken the time to compile a list of questions which, if answered honestly, can help you to determine if you're confident with the way things are going for you, or if maybe you really are just a little bit in-secure. Remember, answering these questions honestly is the only way I can help you! 1: Do you sometimes wonder if you'll be replaced at your job with a younger, sleeker, smarter person? 2: Do you often times wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then go "balance" your checkbook? 3: Do you ever worry that you're retirement plan may be in-adequately funded? 4: Do you have to pee when you get up in the morning? 5: Do you every worry that your particular bank will be taken over by a group of armed terrorists from a distant planet? 6: Do you wonder why the self-proclaimed environmental guru Al Gore needs a house with nine toilets? 7: Do you ever wonder why the stories on this blog are never properly formatted, and just come out in one big, stupid paragraph? 8: Do you ever think that your co-workers obviously have the brain content of zucchini, and who knows how they get anything done? 9: Do you sometimes get hungry, but don't really know what for? 10: Are you secretly suspicious that sesame street's Big Bird is really not a bird at all, but rather a person wearing a bird costume? Now, if you took the time to answer all of these questions honestly, and answered no to all 10 questions, you truly do have nerves of steel, which go quite nicely with your honesty imperfections! If you answered yes to at least three of these questions, you're only slightly skittish about the state of the world around you, congratulations! If you answered yes to any number of questions more than three, you should probably immediately go into hiding in some small, dank cave in a third-world country, because you are obviously "damaged goods", and it is only a matter of time before men in white suits from the planet Zork come to take you away! In any case, I'll still be here drinking beer and watching football, and thinking of even more ways to help the readers of this silly blog!