"It's all in the Evolution" (or at least I think)!

Life is "chock-full" of mystery's, such as; Is there really a God? Did we really evolve from monkeys?, and, (most importantly), why is my beer "warmish"? As a self-proclaimed "expert" in the business of "mystery solving", (mostly from watching back to back episodes of Scooby-Doo), I can give you a positive answer to one-third of those questions, which I will do here today, if only in a desperate attempt to boost my blog readership! Is there a God? In my opinion, there HAS to be! Mankind simply cannot be it's own "ruler", or "creator", based on the fact that after some two thousand years we still can't figure out how to keep all four lanes of an inter-state highway open without traffic cones and seriously unbelievable "men working" signs strewn everywhere! I've pretty much ruled out the fact that there could be a more "intelligent" breed of mankind that may have ties to beginning life as a human, not because I don't believe in the "craftsmanship" of man, but more because we can, as a whole, barely pour a sidewalk or driveway without getting a permit from an even higher power, such as the city. Darwin's "Theory of Evolution" seems like a very strong argument, but it always made me wonder where he thought the monkey's came from originally. I realize that Darwin's theory is not a "per se" religion, but how do you come to the conclusion that only some of us monkeys decided to go ahead and evolve into humans in the first place, leaving many other monkeys (probably homeless), behind? In all seriousness, wouldn't a simple dog be the mostly likely animal that we would want to be evolved from? I say this only because dogs love you no matter what you do, whereas monkeys, (I'm told), are extremely judge-mental and vicious, much like your "EX"! All that's left now is to explain why my beer isn't cold, which I can easily do! My beer isn't cold because of you, you atheist little pukes who believe in the "black hole", causing me to spend more time typing excuses to you for the basic behavior of all mankind, (as if you deserve some kind of an apology), rather than sitting here, drinking beer and jotting down humorous comments. You, who apparently consider yourself a Veteran based on the premise that you actually know one, or would have been one yourself, if not for that "nasty" foot problem! Spare me, and please don't "demand" my respect for you while giving me none of yours! It doesn't work that way, you Godless pukes! I believe in Jesus Christ, though I have to admit, you may have very well "evolved" from a possum, or raccoon, or maybe even a skunk