"Empty-nest syndrome" (How to keep it that way)!

This is the time of year when alot of you parent's out there, having just recently sent your offspring off to college, are enjoying having the house to yourselves for the first time. It's relaxing, isn't it? No loud cars pulling into your driveway late at night! No uniformed police officers knocking at your door at two o'clock in the morning, demanding to know why your son's car is parked at the top of the stairs leading into the main entrance of the county courthouse! No more padlock on your beer fridge! These are just a few of the problems we all had to deal with when raising our children through high school, or at least I did. Now that you've "done your hard time" (you think) and sent your child off to college where they will, in your mind, spend a huge portion of their time actually attending classes tailored to whatever career goal they chose, rather than what they're really doing, which is prancing around their dorm rooms in their underwear, amidst a pyramid of beer cans and pizza boxes, during hours they should be in class. Who knows what they're doing at night? Despite all the hard work and effort that you believe your child is putting into college, there is always an "off-chance" that things won't work out, and that your child will one day want to move back in with you! That's why, (lucky for you), I'm here every Sunday with my blog, which is chock-full of useful advice with which to make your lives easier! One way to keep your child from moving back into your house is to sell it and move to a completely different state, being careful not to leave a forwarding address! Keep in contact with your child via cell phone only, as they are hard to trace, whereas a house phone leaves a distinct "area" code, which could give clues as to where you're calling from. Another good way to stay in contact with your child without disclosing your actual "where-about's" is to use E-mail, rather than the old fashioned, or "snail mail", which often leaves a discriminating "postmark" allowing the recipient of the mail to know where the letter was mailed from in the first place. If you have no access to a computer and must use the regular "Postal" system, I suggest that you drive several states away from where you actually live before you mail your letter, thereby confusing everybody but me, and the other readers of this blog. If you don't really want to move to another state or foreign country because you may have a "really good job" or some other feeble excuse, I have, (through research), discovered ways in which you can stay in the home you are currently located in and run little risk of your child wanting to move back in with you! One way is for you and your spouse (and possibly really close friends) to routinely walk around naked. This tends to work not only on college-age kid's, but un-wanted neighbors as well! You could also consider "renting" the room that your particular child stayed in to a "Lice-infected hobo", although this method tends to make nudity a little awkward, and lice-infected hobo's seldom actually "pay" the rent! That's all the time I have for now, as I am "committed" to having this blog published by eleven o'clock every Sunday morning! If you find yourself in the midst of people who need yet more answers, I will gladly give you the "e-mail" addresses of some of my "in-laws", who obviously have ALL the answers in life! Have a great Sunday, and may GOD bless you all!