Thanks a bunch, Mr. Valentine!

Crap! Valentines day is coming up soon! What a ridiculous excuse for a holiday, at least if you're over the age of seven. Sure, it was fun back then because your only "financial" obligations were generally paid for by your parents and usually came in the form of those little heart-shaped candies that had intelligent messages on them, such as "Be mine" or "Kiss me". I suppose I should clarify that these messages were found on all the other kids' heart-shaped candies, but not so much mine. The girls that gave ME the little candies seemed to have special ordered them from a store which was also obviously in the "mud-flap" business, cause my messages tended to be things like "Back off", "Fear this", and "Kiss my ass"! I'm just happy that I was able to overcome the trauma of this and go on to lead a "normal" life, with a limited number of trips to the nuthouse. I would also like to report that the nightmares and cold sweats are starting to dwindle as well. So who was this "Saint Valentine" dude who took upon himself to try to force future generations of men to be "romantic" to their wives or girlfriends (or in some cases both) for one day out of each calendar year? I wonder if even HE started to have regrets once this holiday strayed off of the beaten path of dime-store candy into a day where a dozen roses and a box of chocolates are expected, followed by taking your spouse out for an evening of dining and entertainment at one of the "higher-end" restaurants, such as McDonald's? I also believe that we men here in the mid-west states have it considerably easier than say some of our counter-parts in places like New York, Los Angeles, and Fargo, where the women are sure to spend thousands of dollars on some type of "sexy" outfit from a "Victoria's Secret" catalog, only to find out that it is easily ruined when being removed under "normal conditions" by their spouses teeth. Don't get me wrong! I'm not the slightest bit against romance! I just don't think it should be "expected" of you on a particular day of the year, and should be more of a "random" thing that happens to you between the ages of fourteen and thirty seven, when you're at the "top" of your game as well as under the impression that you know everything! Once you reach the age of forty nine (like me), you'll find that you really DO know everything, with the exception of why anybody would EVER include a "chocolate- covered" cherry in a box of chocolates, because it's just plain disgusting. I also can't seem to figure out how my magic "De-coder" ring that I got in a box of Cracker-Jacks in the early seventies works, but I can assure you that I'm getting very close! As a matter of fact, when you get to be my age you'll learn that almost any significant "bedtime" maneuver such as reaching your arm over your wife in the middle of the night is not so much a hidden agenda of sexual advance as it is an attempt to get your blankets back. Just teasing, of course! Even at 49 years old there is nobody I love more than my wife Kristy. I'm just hoping that my teeth aren't "jagged"! Have a great week Friends, and if you happen to be married to me know that I love you, and am basically "crazy" for you!