Thanksgiving: A True History of. (sort of)!

Only eleven more days until Thanksgiving, which is one of my favorite Holidays (narrowly edging out Christmas, but only for monetary reasons) ! One of the best things about Thanksgiving is that it's about the only time of the year that I will find a piece of dead bird on my plate. Don't get me wrong! I like turkey, but I think that other than the gizzard and drumsticks once a year is plenty often enough to enjoy it's flavor, especially if there happens to be a smoked ham in the immediate vicinity, cooked by someone who realizes that pineapples have absolutely no business being anywhere near the actual ham. The Thanksgiving Holiday is rooted in hundreds of years of history, with the first one being in Plymouth Massachusetts, (home of the "Neon", "Roadrunner", and "Fury"). I would like to think that Thanksgiving has evolved into a much "friendlier" type of Holiday than it was in the time of the pilgrims, who were taught many of their survival skills by the Native American Indians, most of whom lived on "reservations" in or near South Dakota. Unfortunately, after the Indians had went to all the trouble of teaching the pilgrims such skills as growing corn, hunting buffalo, and "tweaking" the carburetor on a 67 mustang in a way in which they could get maximum "horsepower" while giving up very little in fuel economy, the pilgrims, (who obviously had "issues" when it came to showing their gratitude), simply shot the Indians, starting a war between them that wasn't resolved for nearly three hundred years, when, at the very height of the war, a peace treaty was signed between Roy Rogers ( cowboy/ war hero) and Chief White Cloud, (major casino owner/warrior). This historic peace treaty (nicknamed the "Warner Brothers Treaty"), eventually turned out to be a "win-win" situation for both sides, giving the white man not only the chance to "piss" his money away at an Indian owned casino, but also at the local movie theater, where he could see history "come alive" in many of the documented movies wherein the Indians would allow the cowboys to win the war in exchange for turquoise beads, whiskey, and Jalapeno flavored "Cheetos". Some of these same treaty concessions remained in effect right up until the late 1990's, at least in the National Football League, where it was no longer "socially acceptable" for any sports team, even if they actually WERE native American Indians, to be called Indians, or any other "slang" term that might suggest that they were actually Indians, thus causing the "Cowboys" to go nearly win-less for the better part of the last decade. (A tradition that they are still keeping today)! Sometimes I have to wonder what topics are on the minds of the REAL American Indians this time of year, realizing that their personal "Promised land" of unlimited hunting, fishing, and agriculture in a peaceful nation was invaded on by a "boatload" of illegal immigrants, whose main agenda is to try to keep illegal immigrants from invading it again. Even our current President is likely not a U.S. citizen, and it's obvious that most of his staff members are not even from this particular galaxy. I wonder how long it will be before the next generation of immigrants take over and put US on reservations, and if so, will we get turquoise beads and whiskey? I wonder if we'll stand together, united, and therefore be strong enough to overcome the blatant attacks on our way of life by "hope" and "change"? I think we all have a lot to be thankful for, and if we continue to make our own way in life rather than be dependent on our government to "subsidize" us, there should be no reason why we can't get at least another two hundred years out of the country we've already got. In the meantime, let's just be thankful for the fact that we have a choice between turkey and ham, and vow to never give up the right to make that decision ourselves! Also, be thankful that this column only comes out once a week, and that you have the choice of reading it or not! Have a great week friends!