Walmart and Wives (should men flee)?

So yesterday I made my annual pilgrimage to the local Walmart store with my wife. It's not that I only GO to Walmart once a year, as much as it is that my wife will only let me go with HER to Walmart once a year, as we are not one of them couples who 'shop' well together. This is most likely the result of some type of genetic brain disorder, which forces me, (against my will), to not be able to physically see any parts of the store that are not selling guns, fishing poles, auto parts, or beer, whereas these are exactly the areas of the store that I never see my wife in. It's not as though I'm a big fan of Walmart's store policies anyway, as the last time I bought a shotgun in the store in York Nebraska it had to be carried out to my truck by a Walmart employee. So there I was, walking step for step with a nineteen year old, pimply faced girl, who was carrying MY shotgun, through a parking lot full of people who obviously thought I'd committed some type of major felony and had been caught by this suave, undercover agent, who was dressed as an 'associate' in a clever guise to protect the general public from guys like me. I found this slightly disturbing, and wondered whether this would be a story on the nightly news with a catchy title such as " Kansas born redneck purchases dangerous firearm in Nebraska store outlet"! This segment would then be followed by several experts discussing banning firearms in the entire state of Nebraska, just as they banned smoking. My wife seldom has this type of problem with her purchases, at least to my knowledge. I've never seen an employee have to escort her to the car just because she had bought a new set of cutlery, or a pair of sewing scissors. I think this is "discrimination"! How can they be certain that my wife won't fly into a demonic rage and just start randomly stabbing at people with her new steak knives, or at the very least start running with the scissors. Obviously these people assume that my wife is sweet and harmless, as well as much more responsible than I am. Also, they've never heard the terroristic threats she tosses around in vast numbers at six o'clock on Sunday mornings, when I wake her up to go fishing. But this is not a 'human-rights' story, so let's get back on track! My wife and I seldom shop together not only because of vastly different interests, but also because of entirely different shopping techniques. My wife is what leading people in the world of psychology call a "smart shopper", which means she will read the labels on everything she buys, comparing quality, quantity, and prices right up to the point where the expiration date has already passed on whatever product she's still trying to make a decision on. One time, when we were living in Nebraska, a major war broke out and was fought, ended, and already in the post war era of rebuilding the nation while my wife was studying the nutritional information on a package of 'Pistachios'! This is a major difference from my personal shopping method, which I call the "cart" method, meaning if you want it or need it and you have some money in your pocket, throw it in the cart and move on at a rather quick pace. My wife will study things such as paper towels and trash bags for several minutes trying to determine which box contains the most and what size they are, while myself, (like most men), remain blissfully unaware that trash bags even COME in different sizes! My wife looks at clothing and material labels with the same scrutiny used by crime scene investigators collecting DNA from a murder scene, just to see if it's made from cotton, polyester, or whatever it is they make stuff out of anymore, whereas I can only see the size and color. More than once we've had mild arguments in the sock aisle, where she'll inform me that the bag I'm holding up is full of cotton, when I can clearly see that it's a bag of tube socks! "They'll shrink the first time you wash them", she'll say. "Then I just won't wash them", I mutter, as I throw them in the cart and briskly move on. (I use this same reasoning when I buy undershorts). These are the reasons why we generally only shop together once a year, because that's the length of time needed for us to forget why we don't, and then we try it again, as if all the times before were merely 'isolated' incident's, and rarely turned to major arguments involving 'pepper-spray' or banned assault rifles! Have a Great Sunday, Friends, and if my wife is reading this, I bought you a bag of them little 'booty' socks that you always wear! I went ahead and washed them for you, too! You haven't seen my new bag of tube socks anywhere, have you?